Traveling Ashes
by austria332
Summary: Asher White, a first year honor student is transferesd to Ouran due to his mothers job. He sits in front of Haruhi, Hikaru and Kaoru, but Hikaru finds the most interest in him. Asher becomes a host, and more and more of his past is revealed while apart of the club. (Im shit at descriptions, I think the story is better than the description.)
1. Chapter 1

**OCxHikaru (and maybe some other ships later. idk.)**

 **There will be yaoi towards the end or middle.**

 **So smut, fluff, angst, it has it all**

 **If you dont like yaoi dont read.**

 **Oh and there is going to be maybe some triggers through out the story but im not sure what.**

 **This is my first story. This will probably be a long story i got a whole plan going on in my head and stuff. Please review my story if you have any problems with the story or any compliments. Dont be afriad to be harsh. Thx!**

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I looked up at the Academy as I stood by the gates. I went to a Public school all of my life and was shaking at the thought of transferring from my large public school to this even larger private school for the rich and beautiful, I don't consider myself rich or beautiful, but decently wealthy and well, mediocre. I admired the architecture in the building before I turned my attention to the beautiful fountain in front of the school. I love how large it was and walked closer to the fountain. I always loved how ripples in water moved, and hoped I would be able to draw the fountain at some point.

I decided to start walking to class, hoping someone would be kind enough to point me the the direction. Luckily someone was. I was good at remembering maps and directions, so I found my way to class smoothly. I looked up at the sign above me which read First year, Class A. I looked the door up and down seeing its height and thinking it would be difficult to open. I pushed the door open with all my might, it swung open causing it to bang against the wall, attracting everyones attention to me. The first person I saw was the teacher standing at her desk surprised by the sudden noise and action.I felt my already pink cheeks darken with embarrassment. The last thing I wanted was attention.

"Sorry, the door looked heavier," his voice was quiet and raspy. The teacher could just make out what he said and smiled at him. She was shorter than Asher by a few inches and wore small rectangular shaped glasses.

She approached him and said in a silvery voice, "No, worries dear. Come in, pick an empty seat and I'll introduce you to the class," Asher walked past the teachers desk to a seat in the back of the third row, he observed the backpacks, the desk, the clothes, and a few peoples faces. He sat in front of a feminine looking boy, putting his bag on the ground and the sketchbook in his hands on the desk in front of him. "Okay, this is Asher White," she questioned him with her eyes as if asking if she was correct, he nodded. "and he has transferred to Ouran from the US. Asher?" her attention directly on him now, "My name is Mrs.-"

"Matsuzaki," Asher interrupted. Everyone was wondering how he knew that without telling him, he saw everyone staring at him, surprised and realized he had to explain himself, "Your name tag is on your desk," his voice still quiet, he started to bite his thumb nail. Everyone looked at her desk causing a shifting noise in their seats, Mrs. Matsuzaki turned around to see her name tag on the desk next to her morning coffee. She picked it up and pinned it to her shirt.

"Good observing skills, well aside from that…" her attention fully on Ashton,"We are character analyzing the story _To Kill a Mockingbird_ have you read the book?"

I have read the novel, twice in eighth grade and once in ninth. I thought the book was a good coming of age story. Good characters, yes, but the point of view on things was absolutely wonderful. I was a little surprised the author could remember the view of a child when she wrote the book in her early 30's. He thought before he spoke and removed his thumb from his lips,"I have read the book," he sat up a little.

"Do you remember Scout?" Mrs. Matsuzaki asked leaning against her desk.

"Yes, I do," He sat up completely, and tried to describe Scout as best he could. "Scout is a very unusual little girl, both in her own qualities and in her social position. She is unusually intelligent, unusually confident, unusually thoughtful, and unusually good. In terms of her social identity, she is considered unusual for being a tomboy in the prim and proper Southern world of Maycomb." He thought about saying more, but she looks pleased and gives him a thoughtful smile. He slouched his shoulders and leaned on the palm of his hand.

After listening to what a few students had to say about their characters I lean down to get my pencil case out of my bag which is on the right of me. I see someone out of the corner of my eye watching me. He sits to the right of the feminine looking boy, placing his head down on the desk. He has Auburn hair and a bored look on his face. His bottom lip was protruding out. I unzip my bag and grab the pencil case. I didn't bother zipping my bad back up. I pull out a pencil and open up my sketch book to a clean page and start to draw the girl on the cover of _To Kill a Mockingbird._ It has something to do with the topic. I turn my head to see if the boy is still watching me. Some how we lock eyes and I'm now studying his every feature, his auburn eyes, thin nose, hair parted to the right. The corner of his mouth now pulled into a smirk. They weren't too full but not to thin either, they were the the perfect shape to fit his face. I looked back at his eyes and they were heavy-lidded. He started moving his lips and mouthed, "Pay attention," he smirked after that and I turned around. I drew for the rest of the class, only paying attention when my name was called, and when the bell rang for lunch.

Asher didn't want to stumble upon the auburn haired boy during lunch so he decided to skip it and walk around the school. He didn't mind skipping a meal or two, he had a small stomach. He had 25 minutes to walk around the school and observe everything, he walked past 2 libraries, 3 auditoriums, 1 gym, 2 clinics, and probably 25 first year classes. It was getting close to the end of lunch and he decided to walk back, he was getting close to the edge of the hall way when someone took a sharp turn and spilled their entire lunch over his one good school uniform. Laughter was heard coming out of the older boys mouth. He had light brown hair and a deeper voice. He had to be a third year, judging by his height and tone. The third year finally stop laughing to see how small Ashton was compared to him. He grinned evilly and slammed Aston against the wall and looked down at him and asked in an intimidating voice, "You spilled my lunch, how am I gonna pay for a new one?"

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"I'm sorry, but you bumped into me." I corrected him, but I soon wished I hadn't. The third year punched me in the gut sending me to the floor.

"I said, how am i gonna pay for lunch." he almost yelled this, and I knew what he wanted. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the money my mother gave me lunch, at least she wouldn't worry that I didn't eat. The third year snatched the money walking in the opposite direction of the lunch room. I stood up an walked over to the clinic that I passed earlier to get a new pair of clothes, the had my size but the uniform they gave me was meant for commoners. I didn't mind, but my class mates would notice the change in wardrobe.

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I was early to class so I just sat in my chair and drew. A few minutes past and I heard the doors open and students walk in. I stayed put, and didn't look up from my little bubble. Although I noticed a hand on my desk, and had to look up it was the auburn haired boy smirking at the drawing. "Hm good drawing, have you ever drawn eyes?" He asked and looked down at me. His right hand was on the corner of my desk and his left was on my chair. He looked taller than I was, but who isn't I'm only 5'7. I started to chew my thumb nail. Yes I have drawn eyes before, their my favorite facial feature.

"Yes," he answered the question quietly. Ashton started studying the boys features again.

"Have you ever drawn your own?" His question snapped me back into reality.

"What? Um, No." Ashton knew people liked his eyes, they were emerald green with yellow spots here and there. "I've always drawn other people. Um… could you step back a bit?" Aston asked as politely as he could.

"Is this uncomfortable for you?" the auburn hair boy leaned closer to my face with that question. I scooted back a bit, my butt half way off the chair. He leaned in closer as I scooted father. I went back a little too far and the chair slipped from under me. I fell onto the floor and tried to pick myself up smoothly but stumbled to the side and was caught by another auburn.

"Thanks," I barely whispered this without looking at who caught me.

"Haha, no problem," I turn around at his response to see what seams to be the same auburn. Same nose, same smirk, same hair but its parted to the left this time, same height, same body structure. His eyes are the same color but their more open and alert then the other. I turn around to see if my guess was correct, and it was. Their twins. "Wow your really light, how much do you weigh?" I turn back around to answer the other auburn's question. Ok, lets see the ideal weight for a 5'7" 15 year old male is 147 pounds, but a healthy weight balances any where between 127 to 159. Lets round down. 140 pounds? Is that believable? No, ok think. 137? No. 131? Sure, that seams legit, it's closer to my actual weight and it wont seam as if the number is too low, ok, now just say the number…

"131," I try to answer nonchalantly, but my voice is low, and seams to say that I'm nervous. Shit. They have to be able to tell I'm lying.

"You seam lighter, oh well," He shrugged. Idiot. I looked over to the other twins seat and see an assignment sitting on his desk, in one of the top corners of the page says 'Hikaru Hitachiin'. Hmm, okay.

"We never introduced ourselves, have we?" I turn my attention to the feminine looking boy. "Im Haruhi Fujioka, this is Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin, nice to meet you," she gestured to the twins before looking to me again. He seamed different, almost too polite to be a dude. He suddenly had a confused expression on his face. "Didn't you have on a different uniform on before?" I look down to see my commoners uniform.

"Well, during lunch I was walking through the school, and I spilled my lunch on myself, so I had to change," I said this as casually as I could. Better not to attract attention towards myself, or the third year.

"Well thats too bad, at least they had a uniform in your size," it was obvious he was trying to cheer me up, but I wasn't really too affected by what happened earlier. Its easier to avoid most situations, but take the few things that do come.

"When Haruhi first came here, we spilled water on him. He had to change into the girls uniform, because that was the only one we had, haha!" Hikaru chuckled.

"You didn't spill it on me, you dumped the water on me, _and_ Princess Ayanokoji," Haruhi corrected, "Hmm, I'm surprised we haven't seen her around the school more often," I don't see the point in asking who Princess Ayanokoji is because its none of my business. Why should I bother knowing someone when Im not involved in their life every day.

"Okay, enough socializing, find your seats," Mrs. Matsuzaki ordered, and we did.


	2. Chapter 2

**This is chapter two, If you have any critiques, let me know. I want to know what you think. Its rated M for later chapters. I want to thank you all for reading, and once again please review!**

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I started to walk towards the entry gates and heard my name being called behind me. "Asher!" Just ignore the person, they'll go away. "Asher!" Don't turn around. Don't turn around. "Asher!" What are you doing?

"Mm-hmm" I turn around to see Haruhi gasping for air, with his hands on his knees. Maybe I should of turn around the first time. "Umm, are you okay, do you need to go to the clinic?" I felt bad now for not answering him the first time.

"No- Im fine-" his words were cut off by heavy breaths. "I- was wondering- that- maybe you would like- to visit the Host Club?" his breaths were slowing down now, as he stood up strait. "The twins and I are in the Host Club and we thought we should invite you to come check it out?" As he asked this question I was starting to regret ever stopping. I started to chew thumb nail.

"Umm. Im not really in the mood for, well, socializing," its better I tell the truth. "Plus the walk home is a little long, its better I start going now," I wish my voice could of said this louder.

"Well you would only have to talk to about 7 people, the rest of the time you would just observe. You seam to be very keen after all, at least from what I've seen. Also, I do hate having to bother you, but the twins insisted I ask," The twins insisted? Why would they care about me? Maybe because we made decent conversation? I don't think its that simple though. They don't seem like openly people. I don't want to seam rude, and just flat out deny his request. I take my thumb from my mouth.

"Okay… I'll check it out," I answer reluctantly, and watch Haruhi smile as I follow him back to the school.

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I look up at the sign which read 'Music Room 3', same font as the sign hanging above my classroom. Haruhi pushes the door open with ease, and waves to me to come in. I walk in to see no instruments whats so ever, but too many people to my liking. Haruhi pulls me over to a table where I see the twins, and a few girls sitting down drinking tea. One of the twins leg were propped up on the chair with his arm resting on his knee. The other twin was just listening to him tell a story about what seems to be their childhood. He was leaning back in his chair with his head pressed against the head of the chair. One of the girls had long brown hair and round blue eyes. The other had black hair that ended at her shoulders, and a very long thin nose. Haruhi stood at the side of the table and waited for Hikaru -I believe- to finish his story.

"-used to hang around her store. We would play the 'Which one is Hikaru? Game' and that would bring in more costumers," he looked up at Haruhi, and grinned. He stood up, and practically fell onto Haruhi's shoulder. This was definitely Hikaru. Haruhi was shorter, which cause Hikaru to have to bend at the waist.

"I was able to catch up to Asher before he left," Haruhi spoke this nonchalantly, and Hikaru shifted his eyes in my direction. He now wore a evil grin on his face, he stood up strait and started walking in my direction. He seemed mischievous, but harmless at the same time. He now stood behind me with his arm resting on my right shoulder. After few seconds I felt twice the weight but it spread evenly across the top of my back, I look over to my left side to see Kaoru was the extra weight. He also wore the same evil grin as Hikaru though he was acting differently than before.

"Did you miss us?" Hikaru asked, Kaoru soon said after Hikaru, "We missed you." Their eyes were half lidded and their weight was starting to become tiring, not unbearable, but I was starting to feel a little dizzy. I backed up and ducked under their arms to get away from their grasp.

"Umm, thats nice, I guess," I was startled when I backed up into a blond with violet eyes. He was taller than the twins, but didn't seem too intimidating. He bent down at the waist to look at me. He didn't have much respect for personal space I presume. He was leaning closer and closer to my face looking at me from side to side, up and down, he even grabbed my face and tilted my head to where all I could see was the ground. The blond finally stood up strait looking me directly in the eyes.

"Why haven't I seen you before?" He questioned, then started to walk around me as if analyzing my every feature. He had his hand on his chin as he was walking.

"Because he's new," there was a tall boy walking towards us, he wore slim, rimless glasses that covered his brownish-gray eyes. His black hair was parted to the left, and he wore a small smile. There were no wrinkles around his eyes so it was obviously forced. "Hello, nice to finally meet you, Mr. White, I see that you already made yourself acquainted," The black haired boy spoke with professionalism.

"Kyoya, how is it you already know Asher?" Haruhi asked with lightness in his voice. Something is definitely not right about him.

"Asher's mother works under my father, so I did my research, Asher?" His attention directed towards me. "I've read that you've went to a couple art schools before moving here, and that you've entered a few art contest. Do you have any sketches with you?" I did. I always carry my sketch book. I start to look through my bag and hand him my sketchbook. He flips to a random page. Luckily I separate my sketchbooks. The one he's holding is the one where I just draw normal, everyday pieces. My other sketch pad is hidden behind a few books on my shelf. If someone was to look through it, they would probably question my mental state. All the others that I felt close enough to share that sketchbook with have. All of the drawings in there are morbid, and usually you have to search the back of your mind to find that level of abnormality. The drawings mainly consisted of mental disorders. I usually tend to do research on a specific disorder in my free time. I end up surrounding my drawings on that specific disorder for a while. Kyoya was finally towards the end of my sketchbook, and nodded.

"You are talented, you know this could benefit the club, Tamaki," his eyes now directed towards the blond. "We don't have the artistic type," Kyoya was now showing him a few of the drawings. Tamaki's eyes lit up and he jumped into Kyoya's arms, dropping my sketchbook. Oh my god, don't step on my sketchbook. Kyoya stumbles back, luckily the book is unharmed. But now the twins grabbed it before I got the chance to. Their flipping through the pages, turning the book upside down, smirking every once in a while.

"How do you not get bored of drawing?" The brothers ask this in sync. Leaving me to answer a question with no actual answer. Well, I had one idea, but it's too personal to tell someone you just met.

"Umm. I don't know, I just don't," a smile pulls at the corner of my mouth, "it's hard to explain why," they just stare at me with matching, blank expressions. They look back at each other and shrug. They walk to Haruhi and drop the book in his hands. He looks through them, his eyes widen, and his mouth gaping a little bit.

"Wow, Asher, these are beautiful. How is it you draw so well? Did you ever take classes?" Haruhi was definitely off, he was kinder, and seemed too feminine. I'll have to ask him later.

"I always drew as a child. I never really took classes outside of school, but the art classes weren't really 'classes'. Yes the teacher gave you tips and found tutorials, but it was never really a 'sit down I'll teach everything you need to know' type of class. Yet, I never really liked being told what to draw, so I never took art classes," I always enjoy talking about, things like this. I always know what to say. Small talk was never easy for me to do.

"Hmm, that's kind of unbelievable, that someone could be this talented," he looked dumbfounded, and continued to look through the pages.

"Thank you," I respond, it's always nice to hear that people have nice things to say about you. Yes, I usually never believed those compliments, but he sounded sincere, and honest. I liked that. I started to smile. I looked to the ground trying to hide the joy in my face. It was nice being able to stand there and get a little bit of attention, but then a blond, carrying a stuffed pink bunny, followed by another tall, black haired boy joined in.

"Hello, Haru-chan! What do you have there?" He was shorter than Haruhi to my surprise and didn't look like a high schooler. Haruhi showed the blond and dark haired boy my drawings. The blond wore such a happy expression on his face as he looked through my sketchbook, but the taller boys expression barely changed. He was silent the entire time until they were done looking through my book.

"Those are amazing drawings!" The small blond spoke loudly and his voice was high, but he also seemed sincere. The taller boy nodded his head, to agree with the smaller boy. "Takashi likes them too!" The smaller boy squealed. I look up at Takashi, he nods once more. I create a small smile to signify my gratitude. Kyoya directs my attention away from them, when he starts to speak. I turn around.

"Tamaki and I were talking, and we both agree it would be great if you joined the Host Club," Tamaki was smiling with both his eyes and mouth close. I don't see why he's smiling though. They wont gain anything from me. Im don't fit into their club. I'm not beautiful, romantic, or the siltiest bit interesting.

"Umm, thanks… but no thanks," I grab my sketchbook, and start to walk towards the door, when Kyoya offered something that made me stop dead in my tracks.

"We could offer you art classes taught by past students of that college you wish to go to. That could benefit you in more ways then one. Free of charge, the only thing you need to do is be apart of the Host Club," he defiantly did his research on me. I have my heart set on getting a scholarship to a certain collage. I want to become an animator, and Ive heard good things about this collage. I could never afford to pay fully, plus I would feel as if I was only accepted for my money, not my talent. I want to earn my way in. I want to show people that I'm good enough. It wouldn't hurt to join the Host Club, I mean, if it means I'll be able to advance in animation, then whats the harm. I turn to face Kyoya.

"For as long as I'm in the Host Club, I want the classes free of charge, and I want to take as many as I wish," I hold my head high and say this with assertiveness. Probably the most I'll ever be able to do. I walk towards him with my hand held out. "Deal?" I ask. He looks at my hand and takes it. He finally looks me in the eye and says,

"Deal," then shakes it once. Our hands drop, and Tamaki interferes by jumping into Kyoya's arms again and rubbing his face against his. Kyoya stumbles forward and past me. One of the twins snatches my sketchbook from hands and leans against my shoulder to look through it. This must be Hikaru.

"Welcome to the club- Ooo, when did you draw this one?" He asked pointing to a picture of a girl on a swing. I chuckle and start to explain when. A few guest started to look through my sketchbook as well. A few commenting on my drawings. Others just admiring the pictures. More and more people started to surround us as Hikaru flipped through the pages of my sketchbook. I didn't want to be rude but this much attention was exhausting. I might of bitten more, than I could chew.

 **Kyoya's POV**

"Look, he's already attracting customers," Tamaki pointed this out as we observed Asher from afar. The crowd was starting to grow in the size after each guest decided to get a look of his sketchbook. I push up my glasses to the bridge of my nose.

"Yes, I think he'll be a good add on to the Host Club," I turn to my table I usually sit at and walked over to it. I sat down in front of my laptop and began to type once again.

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 **Thanks for reading! If you have any** **questions** **, or critiques just review! I update Wednesday! Thanks again!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey Guys sorry about the delay on the story, Im planing on posting wo days early, since im two days late. So keep an eye out for it on Monday. After This week it will go back to every Wednesday.**

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Its been about a week since I joined the Host Club and well… it wasn't what I expected. That seems to be the nicest way to put it. The Hitachiin brothers are very touchy, which was something I never cared for. Tamaki was an idiot. Kyoya was up my ass about when the classes were starting, and I never got to ask Haruhi about his gender. I probably sound horrible for being so curious, but I cant help it. Ive always been inquisitive.

I'm walking to the Host Club at the moment. Im a little late due to Mrs. Matsuzaki asking how Im doing since I came to the school late in the year. I told her I was grasping the information very well and that the past week has been good. She then let me leave after I answered a few more of her questions. I adjusted to schools easily, but I tend to attract annoying or unwanted people. Haruhi was one of the few people good people I wanted to have as a friend. Everyone else in the club were nice and all but most of the members were more out going than I am and can handle attention.

My thoughts were distracted by the chatter coming from Music Room 3. As I got closer to the doors I was starting to regret even showing up today. I push the door open to see the Host Club dressed as butlers besides Haruhi, Mori-senpai, and Honey-senpai. They were dressed in Kimonos. Their all separated talking to their individual guests. Their all having conversations and the members dressed as butlers served the guest. Tamaki is the first to notice me and says something I'm unable to decipher. He runs over to me and points his finger in my face.

"You are late!" he shouts. "and you still need to change," I step into the room fully and shut the door behind me. Tamaki snaps his fingers that were originally pointing at me. "Hikaru! Karou!" The twins are standing behind him with their hand to their forehead, like the saluting position in the military.

"Yes, Boss?" They question.

"Get Asher changed into one of the costumes," Tamaki turns around and walks back to his guests. The twins stare at me with an evil grin. They inch towards me and I back into the door. I've noticed that they pull the same grin whenever they have an idea swarming around their head. The ideas are usually troublesome. Wonderful. Their now a few feet away from me, and they tackle me. I squirm a little as they pick me up by my arms and drag me to the dressing room. Hikaru usually is on the right of me, and I believe he is now. Kaoru lets go of my arm, pulls the curtain open and then closes it once were inside. Hikaru lets go of my other arm and I fall to the floor. I look up to see rows of costumes ranging from different animes' to actual people. Kaoru walks to the desk on the left side of the changing room, and Hikaru now stands next to the second to last row on the right side of me, he's watching Kaoru as if waiting for him to say something. Kaoru pulls out a measuring tape from the top, left drawer, and runs over to me. He pulls me up by my arms and wraps the measuring tape around my chest then quickly moves it to my arm and measures from my shoulder to my wrist. Then the other arm. Then from shoulder to just below my hip bone. Then from my hipbone to ankle. Then around my hips. He gets up and walks over to Hikaru he tells him a bunch of numbers that are my measurements. After a minute or two their standing in front of me with an outfit in their hands.

"Get undressed," they order and seize my uniform.

"O-OKAY! But get out!" I hate to yell but I don't want them to see me in my boxers. I'm not comfortable in my own skin what makes them think I'm comfortable in front of them? They just stand there with their hands on the hem of my collared shirt. I shift my eyes between them. "Get out." I say sternly and start to push them out of the changing room. They drag their feet on the ground, making it difficult and tiring to force them out room.

 **Hikaru's POV**

Asher very private and it was obvious. He's been in the club for at least a week by now and he's barely opened up to anyone in the club. He was interesting in his own way and I wanted his attention. Good or bad I was a couple inches away from the curtain when an idea popped into my head. I quickly grab his hand from the middle of my back and swing him around. Our fronts are touching and he wears a surprised expression on his face. His dirty blond hair falling in front of his eyes. He has a few purple and red streaks in his hair from hair dye. Never truly noticed how bright they were against his hair color till now. His eyes were wide and his mouth open a little as if he was about to say something. Instead I smirk and say,

"Awe, your not embarrassed to stand in front of me, naked? Are you?" I questioned. He just stares at me. No facial change. Yet his body tensed up. I fumble the hem of his shirt and pull it up slightly. I believe it will get a rise out of him. Asher just gulps and slips out of my grasp.

"Ha. No, I'm just a private person," that's not hard to believe. "Let me change. Get out." He says this in a stern tone but it shook towards the end. I look to Kaoru, and Kaoru looks to me. We both shrug.

"Ok," we say this in unison. "But don't take to long we'll be checking in a few minutes," we open the curtains, and walk out sliding it back in place once we were fully out of the room.

 **Asher's POV**

Im about to have the room to myself, when I'm pulled by my hand to face Hikaru. He pulled me against his body and his arms wrap around me loosely. His hands together, hanging by the hem of my shirt. Hikaru was touchy along with Kaoru but he's never done something like this before. I was in shock. He could probably feel every bone in my body perusing out. He could feel my exact shape. He would be judging me, by my size at this moment. I couldn't move a muscle. My body did tense up at my thoughts though. Hikaru's smirking, with eyes half lidded. I can see Kaoru out of the corner of my eye and he is completely unfazed. Lack of expression.

"Awe, your not embarrassed to stand in front of me, naked? Are you?" Hikaru asked this with a mocking tone. I'm standing completely still, looking up at him. I have no idea what to say or do. I feel the back of my shirt start shift. I feel a cold breeze on the small of my back. Slight finger tips brush my skin, but barely noticeable.

I come back to my senses, and I can feel a lump in my throat. I swallow. I'm pretty small so I can move freely enough to duck below his arms and move behind him.

"Ha. No, I'm just a private person," I fake chuckle, as they stare with blank faces, "Let me change. Get out." My voice cracks. They look at each other and shrug.

"Ok," it's said simultaneously. "But don't take to long we'll be checking in a few minutes," they open the curtains and leave, sliding them back into place. My heart is racing. I'm not okay with affection. I can tell that now. I always hated the idea of relationships because of that reason.

I'm not very affectionate towards my mom either. She has sent me to a doctor once or twice because of it. She thought it was strange when I never hugged or smiled back at friends or family. I love my mom but its annoying when she cares. It's annoying when anyone cares. I like to be alone. It's enjoyable. It's less stressful. It's easy not to care about anyone. It sounds selfish, but when you put effort in a relationship, you risk a lot. I risked everything once. It came back and bit me in the ass. It's easy not to care.

I came back to reality, and started to fully undress. I put on a new white collared shirt, then a black vest. I walk over to the mirror on top of the desk and looked myself over. The vest fitted correctly but it showed the frame of my top half. I didn't care for my size. Height wise and weight. The black pants on the other hand fitted perfectly. I smoothed the clothing down and pulled at my sleeves. I turn on my heel, and walk to the curtains. I open them just enough to see most of the room. The first person I see is Tamaki and he is pouring tea for a girl with black loosely curled hair. A few feet away from him I see Kyoya. His back is turned on me and I'm guessing he's either writing in his notebook or typing something on his computer. He's facing Honey, and Mori-senpai, as they drink their tea and eat shortcake with a few guest. Haruhi is sitting on the opposite side of them having a conversation with a brunette, a blond and a dirty blond. I see all the host except 2. Where are the Hitachiin brothers? I open the curtain a little more, and peak my head out. Still no sign of them. I do see a few guest sitting alone, so I walk over to them. Im guessing I have to act as a butler.

"Good Afternoon, Ms. May I interest you in some coffee?" I ask politely. There are three girls in front of me, one with golden blond hair that just touched her shoulders, another with light brown hair and the next wore her raven haired in a loose pony tail. They all look up at me in unison. The brunette smiles.

"Actually we requested to sit with you," the brunette had large silver eyes, and a thin upper lip but average bottom. Her cheeks were naturally rosy. She seemed friendly, but clingy. I saw her a few times in the hallways. She was always latched to one of her friends arms. Mainly the blond sitting next to her.

Their request caught me by surprise. I know I should expect things like this. But I was still getting use to attention. I smile.

"Oh wow, ok." I pulled out the free chair and sat down. "What do you wish to talk about?" It's a decent question. It's polite. Plus I'm not good at starting conversation.

"Well it wasn't really conversation," the raven haired spoke up. "We wish to watch you draw," she was quiet but her voice was deeper then the other two. Well, I like to draw more than socialize.

"Oh, ok yeah. You can do that," I get up to go get my sketchbook from the dressing room where I put all my things. I open the curtains and walk over to the right side of the room. I lean down to grab the sketchbook from my bag, as I'm leaning down I see movement in the curtains, and slight shushes. The twins. Your just going to have to face them. I sigh. I stand up strait with my sketchbook and pencils in my hands. I turn on my heel and walk over to the curtains. I can still hear giggles and hushes. I pull the curtains open and the twins grab me once I step fully out. They drag me over to the guests I was previously sitting with. "You know I could've walked" I sighed once more.

* * *

The club lasted an extra hour which I wasn't thrilled about, it just took more time away from my art work, and studies. I was the last one out besides Tamaki, and Kyoya, but I guess Haruhi's ride is late, since he's standing on the edge of the sidewalk. Perfect time to ask him. He's alone, its quiet. It's great. I walk up to him and tap his shoulder. He turns to face me.

"Oh, hi Asher," Haruhi greets me with a monotoned voice. He turns back around to look at the street in front of us.

"Is there something you need?" He ask checking the intersections.

"Uh, I guess so." I feel so terrible for asking him this. Its not kind or respectful to his privacy. I really am a horrible person. "I have noticed little hints here and there," Haruhi's attention is fully on me now. "That your actually a female. If I'm incorrect I'm incredible sorry for drilling you about-"

My sentence is interrupted by Haruhi's laughter. Once he finished laughing he looks me in the eyes and responds to my question.

"Yes, I am a girl, Im in the Host club due to dept. I usual get that question, when I get asked why I'm in the Host Club," I'm still confused due to her sudden laughter. Did she get asked a lot? Did I sound like an idiot when I asked? Does she find this- STOP! STOP! STOP! Stop analyzing and ask.

"Thank you for answering my question, but why did you laugh afterwards. That doesn't seem like the natural response?" Im even more nervous now, because I don't know what to expect for a response.

"I laughed because you let your mind wonder to the worst. Right after you asked me my gender, you apologized for no reason. I found it funny." I definably wasn't expecting that response. She looks to the street in front of her as we hear an approaching car. "Hey, do you want a ride home? You mentioned that you live about 30 minutes away when you walk. I don't mind," she was defiantly going to be a reliable friend. She's understanding, trustworthy, and kind. I needed to know more people like her.

I look to the car then back to her. "No, this is my exercise for the day, but thank you for the offer," She questioned me with her eyes. "Go, I'm okay with walking home, I enjoy it."

We say our goodbyes, and she gets into the car and leaves. It was nice of her to offer, but even if I wanted a ride, I wouldn't take it.

* * *

 **I hope you enjoyed! Review! Critique, even if its a tiny error! Remember Monday is when** **I'm planning on updating.**


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter is longer but I think you'll enjoy the ending. Review and critique like always!**

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"Hikaru, stop hiding Asher's sketchbook!" Haruhi was yelling at the older twin at the moment. Hikaru has been steeling my sketchbook every now now and again, and since I hate to speak up for myself I tend to let Haruhi do the scolding. She's okay with it, (I hope) and I have difficulty being persuasive enough, to get my sketchbook back from someone. I tend to sigh and where a blank expression whenever he does this. The first few times I would say something like 'Hey, could you give that back?' or 'Come' on, grow up and give me my sketchbook.' But anymore I just sort of look down and give up. He knows this annoys me. Yet the worst part is when I'm in the zone and I have a creative idea for a finishing piece, not just a sketch. Hikaru smirks and walks over to me from the other side of the room.

"Here," he chuckles. "This is yours," he sits in the chair in front of me and rest his head on the palm of his hand. His response is relaxed, similar to his body. We're all in the club room right now and we were coming up with ideas for next weeks themes. Hikaru just so happen to see me wonder over to my bag and grab my art supplies. Thats when the yelling started.

"Oh really? I could of never guessed." Im sarcastic with my response, and obviously annoyed. I open back to the page I was previously sketching on, but my idea is gone. Shit. It was a good idea to. I was looking at photographs and saw a girl laying on the ground with her hair brushed neatly up above her head. I was thinking about incorporating a few bruises and scars on her body. It tells a story. It describes vulnerability I believe. How did she get those bruises? Was she beaten? If she was, who beat her? Her father? Her mother? Boyfriend? Girlfriend? Or was it just a complete stranger? Did she just get into a car crash? If so who was driving? How was the car hit? What was the time that it took place? Did she experience any traumatic change from the event? That was the question I wanted to be asked. Did she experience a change?

But you know what, No. You couldn't sketch down the idea, so screw you. You no longer have the urge to draw, so wait for another mediocre idea to pop into your head. I close the sketchbook and start to walk over to my bag once again.

"Why aren't you drawing?" Kaoru ask. "You were about to but you didn't," His eyes were open completely, not half lidded like his brothers at the moment.I look to the ground then back up again.

"I… lost my inspiration." I say blankly and continue to walk over to my bag.

"You could draw Usa-chan," I hear Honey-senpai behind me and turn around to see him holding up his toy bunny to my face. Its better to draw something than nothing.

"Hmm. I guess so," Hunny's face lights up when I say this. He places Usa-chan in my hands and skips over to Mori-senpai who is sitting at a large table with Tamaki, and Kyoya.

"Take good care of him, okay," Hunny jumps up into the chair Mori is sitting in and lands in his lap. He's laughing. I walk back over to the table I was previously sitting at to see Kaoru sitting next to his brother. They both have the same bored expressions printed on their faces. Haruhi is at the table with the other members deciding on a theme for next week. I'm afraid to draw around them because they tend to either asked to many questions, or point out something unfinished, when I'm not even done yet. I find little things like that quite frustrating. I sit in the remaining chair across from them, and their heads perk up. I place my sketchbook and supplies in front of me and put Usa-chan in a sitting position. His head is tilted to the side but is hanging down against his chest. I start to sketch.

They surprisingly haven't asked or stated anything since I sat down, but they just sit and watch me draw. I'm drawing the scenery around Usa-chan at the moment, which incorporates a tea cup in front of him and a piece of cake. I drew some frosting on his cheek and on the corner of where his lips would be. There is windows behind him, like the ones in the club room. There are trees outside the window and birds and-

"Shouldn't there be a shadow under Usa-chan?" Oh god no. It was going great! This thing we had going. It was silent besides the subtle exclaims coming from Tamaki, and the slight discussion between him and the other members. I was enjoying myself. I didn't have to speak, or move much. I got tired easily when I moved anyway, do to lack of energy. Not from lack of sleep, but lack of food.

I look up at the person who spoke. It was Hikaru. Of course it was. He always was the one to point out the obvious, when I drew.

"I save the shading for last," I answer shortly. I stare at him for a little while longer, then finally move my eyes back down to the paper. I tend to move positions when I draw so I'm now resting my head on the back of my free hand, which is placed sideways to the front of the paper. My head is pretty much fully on the table, and my back is hunched over but I'm comfortable this way.

"Wouldn't it make sense to shade as you go," Hikaru is still talking. I guess he didn't receive my message that I don't wish to speak, but I feel the need to prove my point to why I shade last.

"Well if you worked, from left to right, top to bottom I guess so, but since I work in sections all over the place, I would more likely smudge it," I look up at the twin with my eyes, barely moving my head in the progress. They nod at one.

"We got it!" Tamaki exclaims. He jumps out of his chair and places his hand on his chin. Eyes closed. "Next week, we are to wear Kimonos," He seems proud of himself.

"Thats not very creative," Tamaki's face becomes dreadful. He's unable to speak to seems. I continue. "When I say it's not creative I mean, I thought you wanted a theme, not a predictably piece of clothing, that is already worn in Japan on a daily basis," Tamaki is now sulking over in the corner of the room. Maybe what I said was harsh. I stand up, and walk over to him. I stop about ten feet away. "Actually, now that I think about it," I approach him calmly. "Maybe it's not such a bad idea. It's so predictable. The guests wont be able to predict it," I say this calmly. "Actually, the guests would be happy to see them in such thin layer," I started to mutter my words. Next thing I know Tamaki is standing in front of me.

"See, I knew it would come to your liking," He says calmly, as I walk backwards to have more space between us. He strides over with every step I take, starting a whole new topic, on how to be a gentleman. My back hits something sturdy. Moveable, but sturdy. I look up. Right behind me is the twins, their wearing matching evil grins. They almost look plastic. As if they were made by a machine. Their just perfectly symmetrical. I can feel a little space between their legs, I'm small enough to fit through. I scramble between them. I'm sort of shocked that they haven't realized that I can figure out ways to avoid a situation.

"We have next week settled then. We are to wear Kimonos," Kyoya is shuffling documents, and gathering his belongings, as he speaks. "Since we have this all situated, you are free to go," Kyoya finishes what he has to say, and I start to gather my belongings. "Asher, may I speak with you," Kyoya is using a dominant approach, and it's working. I walk over to where he is standing. "I have one of your classes set up today, tomorrow and Friday, which is 3 days from now. It starts at 6:00 and ends at 7:30. I emailed you the location, that the class takes place" I nod in a response and start to walk away. Today is the first class and of course he reminds me of it. Their expensive, and cost the club money. He doesn't seem like one to throw around something, that shouldn't be wasted.

Last week went by quickly. I got to go to the art classes which I enjoyed and absorbed as much information as I could. Today was Monday and I was changing at the moment for this weeks costume idea. Kimono's didn't seem creative or anything but oh well. I looked in the mirror one last time. The kimono showed my chest a little. You could clearly see my collar bone. I was getting thinner. That's what I wanted. Thats what I wished for. Although there was a difference it wasn't enough. I wasn't perfect yet. I don't wish to show this much skin yet. I pull the hems of the neck closer. It did still show my chest but not as much. One thing I liked about the Kimono was the fact it was loose. It didn't show my distinct shape.

I take one last glance, and walk out of the changing room. Everyone is already dressed. They obviously don't obsess to much over their body image. Maybe they watch what they eat, but they don't worry about it 24/7 like I do.

I walk over to Haruhi who is talking to Kyoya at the moment. I can just hear the end of the discussion. Their something said in there about payment and the purple and grey kimono she's wearing. She mutters something, and looks up to see me.

"Oh, hello Asher," I raise the corners of my mouth into a small smile. Are attention is attracted by Kyoya speaking to the twins, and holding up badly taken photographs of what seems to be the club. Haruhi looks blankly at him. There must be something she's thinking about. Haruhi's name is called out by Hunny-senpai multiple times but I kind of tuned out what happens next. All I see is a few guests awing over Hunny and Mori.

Haruhi continues to mutter to herself. She tends to do this quite a lot but no takes notice to her very much.

She wonders backwards and bumps into one of the twins. A little bottle falls to the ground and lands at my feet. I pick up the bottle to read 'eye drops'.

"Your using things like this, to attract the attention of guest? Isn't that a little deceiving?" I look to Haruhi and show her the bottle.

"Thats cheating," she frowns. Hikaru places his arms around our shoulders and starts to poke our cheeks.

"Oh don't be such a party pooper," Hikaru says. One of his eyes are closed as if winking.

"Here, these are for you," Kaoru offers a few little box to us. Inside the boxes are individual pink, pumpkin shaped candies.

"Why are you trying to change the subject?" I ask holding a little box in my hands. Their large smiles fade away, and they both grab me. One of their arms are wrapped around my head and another around my waist.

"Cant we just give you a simple gift without you thinking its for our own good?" The twins ask in unison.

I can hear Haruhi speaking to Tamaki, but I can't hear very well since my ears are muffled. Although, I can see through a gap in the material. I'm able to see her hands now full with the sweets we were just given. (Probably given to her from Tamaki). Her attention becomes directed towards archway that leads to another room. There is a dirty blonde girl standing just behind the opening. She's wearing the uniform, but I don't recognize her. The twins leap towards her.

"Come on in, what are you waiting for?" Kaoru ask, holding out a rose. Hikaru steps behind his brother and places his hand on his shoulder, also holding out a rose.

"Watching from afar is no fun," Hikaru leans down to wear his head to resting on his brother's shoulder.

"Please miss," they say together. Tamaki has already intervened the twins.

"Stop that, how many times do I have to tell you boys to be more courteous to our guest?" He turns to face the the new blonde, holding out one of hi hands "Please, you don't have to be afraid, my princess," he places his hand under her chin, and steps closer. "I welcome you to the Ouran Host Club."

The girl's upper lip twitches.

"Yes?" Tamaki ask. At that exact moment, her hand comes apart from her side and hits him right in the cheek. I couldn't help but snigger.

"NO! Don't touch me!" Her voice is shrill. "Your phony!" All of our jaws drop. No one has acted that way towards Tamaki-senpai. Tamaki holds his hand up to his face, he has worry in his eyes, and he's starting to breathe heavy.

"Wha-What do you mean I'm phony?" You could just hear his question under the muffle of his hand.

"Just what I said!" The shrill of her voice is nauseating but by the looks of her, she'll be sticking around for a while. "Your Phony! I find it hard to believe that someone like you, is the prince character of this Host Club!" she walks towards Tamaki with he finger pointed directly at him. He backs up into us as much as he can. "You shouldn't go around spreading your love so easily like that, you stupid! You must be a dimwitted narcissist! Your incompetent! Your a commoner! Your disgusting!" She's finally done with her insults it seems.

I usually don't feel bad for people like Tamaki, but all those words were, were unnecessary. I lean down next to Haruhi's ear. "Well that was a bit uncalled for don't you think?" she looks up at me and nods her head. Her eyes are wide and continue to stare at the girl.

Tamaki falls to the ground in despair. Kyoya studies the girl and mumbles something under his breath. The eyes of the girl lit up. "Its you! Kyoya!" She reaches out and runs to him.

"What?" I almost screamed this, but I was surprised. Kyoya didn't have costumers. Yes, girls talked to him and such but they never sat by him to have a conversation, and yes he was attractive in another sense. I would've thought she would like Haruhi due to what she said about Tamaki. Haruhi is none of those things the girl called Tamaki, (besides a commoner), but still.

The new girl ran to Kyoya, and jumped into his arms. "Oh, how I longed to meet you. My one and only prince charming." she proclaimed her love as if it was already known. I once again snigger but I turned around a little and do it into my sleeve. She's dramatic, and very unrealistic. She'll fit into this school, just fine.

* * *

Renge Houshakuji, was the new girl who came to our club this week. She did cause havoc for our club for the first couple days, and yet some how became our club manager in the process. I'm not a fan of having Renge as our manager, and we don't need one I believe, but the club has been making more money. Kyoya must be happy. I guess she's been advertising us across the school, and has been spreading the word. We were already known enough around the school, but I presume not all of the girls came here on daily basis.

I was currently walking out of the school, since it was the end of the day. The Host club wasn't open today so I was happy to pack up my belongings and walk out the door. I did pack up rather slowly though since I didn't want to have to deal with the crowd of students walking to their vehicles, or stoping to greet and talk to their friends out in the court yard. I did understand why they stop to talk here though. The scenery was beautiful. There was the light sound of water running coming from the fountains on either side of you. There were little flower gardens that were maintained.

"Asher!" I thought I was the only one left. I turn to see the twins running towards me. They come up and they each grab one of my arms. My feet are fully off the ground. It's kind of unbelievable how their able to pick me up. I don't really think I'm that light. Especially with my bag.

"Asher, you are coming with us," the twin on my left demands. This is Kaoru, he's always on my left. This has to be him.

"We are driving you to your house, and meeting your parents." The right twin starts speaking. Hikaru. They have a determined expression, but still wear a smirk. The same smirk they always wear. I started to process what they were saying. 'We are driving you home, and meeting your parents.' 'We are driving you home.' 'We are driving' DRIVING.

"Wait! Wait! Wait!" I start to wriggle my body to escape their grasp. Their grip stays firm. "What do you mean drive?!" I'm yelling at the top of my lungs, straining my voice in the process.

"Exactly what the word means," Their talking in unison once again. I look behind me to see one of their limos waiting for them. My eyes widen.

"Wait! Stop!" I continue to yell but it does no good. I'm passed fully over to Hikaru, and he restrains me. Kaoru opens the door and they force me in. I'm fully in the vehicle now. It's spacious, and has beige seats. I scoot all the way over to the other door, and try to open it. It's locked. I bang on the window, hyperventilating. "Open the door!" I order. I refuse to face them when I'm like this. I hear no response, but can feel their stare. I shake the door handle.

"Hey, Asher. Its okay, you act like were going to hu-" Kaoru starts but never finishes.

"No!" I interrupt him. "Just please… open the door," I'm holding in my sobs. I look to the carpet of the limo, and up again to look out the window. I bang on door once again. "Open the door!" I let out the sobs entirely. I'm breaking down now. Anxiety is filling me. I'm causing a scene I didn't wish to start, but I cant contain it. I hear the door behind me open and one shuffles out quickly. I can barely move. I'm gripping the handle, my finger tips white.

The door I'm leaning against opens. I nearly fall to the ground, but I'm caught by one of the twins. I continue to breathe harshly. The twin thats holding me up, is fully against my body. He can feel my every muscle, bone, feature. He's probably sick to his stomach. Having to witness my meltdown, and feel my fat. I start to push the twin away and stumble to the ground.

"Hey, Asher! What's wrong? Do you need anything?" Oh god thats Hikaru. He has worry in the tone of his voice.

"Do you need a drink of water? A seat? Anything?" Kaoru has the same tone as Hikaru. This was the last thing I wanted, people caring for me. I didn't need others in my life. I didn't need this many friends. Friends are people and people spread news about other people. This will be heard fast.

My breathing slows down. "I don't… need anything. Don't touch me. Don't EVER punt me in a car again. Unless… I give you permission," I glance up at them and look back at the ground. I wipe my face of tears. I stand up slowly. That outbursts took a lot of my energy. Too much of my energy. I look at them out of the corner of my eye. "I'll send you the address, see you there in 30 minutes. If… you still wish to come," I walk away quickly not even bothering to say goodbye. I couldn't work up the nerve.

* * *

It was Saturday morning. I didn't receive a phone call or text yesterday. Nor did I see them at my house. I probably scared them away. Could I blame them. But I couldn't blame myself either. I only knew them for a couple of weeks. I'm not ready open up about my past, and give away why I have a panic attack, every time I get to close to a car. Thats not something I'm ready to let up yet.

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 **I hope you all enjoyed! Review, critique! I am open to any advice!**


	5. Chapter 5

**This chapter is late and I'm not happy! I was a little confused on how to strat it up again. Review and Critique!**

* * *

This weekend was shitty. I had absolutely no motivation to do anything, and I believe my panic attack on Friday drained me of the little energy I actually had. I haven't had a panic attack in a couple months but the car incident sort of blew my winning streak. I was never truly fine around cars but I can sort of push down that anxiety long enough while I try and get from one place to another. Its not very healthy and I know this but I would much rather deal with the burden of that.

I usually kept myself distracted with the scenery that is my current surrounding. I paid attention to the cracks in the pavement beneath my feet. I studied the shapes of leaves and the way they connected to the branches. I memorized the faces I passed each morning and the exact time I saw them. I let the features of my surroundings fill my mind, yet sometimes that didn't always work. Either the thoughts in my head were too loud or the car horns were to nerve-racking. Those were always the worst.

Today was one of those mornings. The people were more argumentative, the wind blew harder causing a chill to run down your spine, the roads were full of noisy, hostile people who were frustrated from the traffic. Today wasn't starting off the best. Plus I'm already anxious for what the the twins reaction will be when they see me. I do have a feeling that they probably told Haruhi though. She was closest to them, but to be entirely honest, I'm not sure what to expect.

* * *

I was staring at the sign above the door. This seemed all too familiar, but this time the sign read 'First Year Class 1-A back door.' My seat was closest to the back so it makes sense if I enter through here. I was holding my sketchbook, in both of my hands at the moment. I shifted the book to my right hand and opened the door with my left.

I walked into a classroom full of chattering students. Not very many looked up to see the me enter the room, but I was happy I didn't attract any unwanted attention. I step into the room fully and shut the door behind me. The only students that look in my direction is Haruhi and the twins.

"Hello, Asher. How was your weekend?" Haruhi is the first to speak. She looks back down to her assignment in front of her, and continues to write. I stare down at her paper as I approach them. The top of the page reads 'Australia Through the Years', in the top right hand corner is her name written neatly along with the rest of her paper. The assignment was to pick a country and right a two page essay about its history. I picked France. It seems like a nice place to visit. The culture, language, architecture. I studied the language in 5th grade, while I was in America hoping my my mother could take me. We just couldn't afford it though.

"Oh, my weekend was fine, very unproductive though," I skim the page. Great writing. "How about you guys?" I glance between the twins and Haruhi.

"Well we went out with Haruhi to the commoners market," the brothers speak together and both place one hand on each her shoulders. "We thought to bring the others but decided not to. They would only steal Haruhi from us," as they spoke, they moved over to my sides and rested their heads, each on one of my shoulders. They both look to me with concerned eyes, but wore a devil smile. They were questioning my emotional state. Great.

I create a small smile with my lips. "Well that sounds nice, did you get anything interesting while out?" I step forward and move to my desk placing my belongings on the ground. They twins follow.

One of them grabs my sketchbook while the other looks through the books I carry with me. I usually carry three, then my textbooks, then my notebooks.

"Just commoners coffee," The twin on my right answers. Hikaru. He then shrugs.

I look to the front of the class the see Mrs. Matsuzaki walk in and pick up the chalk, she starts to write down the lesson for todays class. The students start to shuffle to their seats, one or two grunts in the process, the twins drop my stuff on my desk and go to sit down. How nice of them.

* * *

The day was pretty good the twins didn't pester me with questions about the car incident. Luckily. I had my stuff all packed up so I could bolt out the door and walk to the club room. There wasn't a theme today so that took off the stress of only being seen in one layer.

The hallways were crowded and loud. I don't think this idea was one of my best. I wanted to avoid the twins at the moment because I still had the rest of today to go. I was pushed up to the left wall and was constantly bumping into people I didn't recognize. I was near a hallway and needed a break from the intensity.

I take a turn left and start to walk into an area I've never been. My feet keep moving but I question my decision and look behind me. Teenagers are still clogging up the hallway. No this is better. I take a right into a corridor with few doors. Two on my left and three on my right. I make a left turn. Now theres only 3 doors in total. I head strait ahead. The length of the corridor gets smaller. The ceilings are high and there are still windows which make the room feel spacious. I keep walking but feel my weight shift as I'm pulled to the right.

My mouth is cupped and I drop my belongings including my bag. I try to escape but the grasp feels familiar. He holds me by wrapping one arm around me and grips my elbow, while the other cups my mouth. I'm no longer squirming around to escape his grasp. I can recognize this person but I also don't. He pulls me away from my bag now 20 feet away. 25 feet. 30. 40. The person holding me take a right turn, my belongings disappear from my view. In a swift move I'm now pushed up against a wall with my mouth still cupped.

"Just listen, don't speak," Hikaru was the one holding me. He was the firm grasp. "I don't know too much about you, but I do want to know why you freaked out when you got into the car," he questioned me with his eyes and created pressure against my ribs. He had his forearm against me holding me in place, he removed his hand from my mouth to let me speak. God, I didn't know what to say, I can't think on my feet. I have to prepare.

"I-I uh," added to the stress of his question he was only a couple inches from my face. He was leaning down to meet eye level with me. "I have- uh claustrophobia," REALLY?! Your freaking pined against a wall, this is worst than the car to people who actually have claustrophobia. I keep eye contact with him. The silence is overwhelming and I look to the tile flooring below us. I probably have a shameful expression.

"Ok," Hikaru responds. He believed me. I'm not convincing. "You could've told us, how were we suppose to know. It's not like you told us," He looked to me with a blank expression.

"Actually, I did give you a sign. I was screaming for you to put me down, and I was also trying to make you let me go. You should've been able to read the signs. Trust me they were clear," I look to him with a tired expression. I was feeling sleepy at the moment. The pressure from his weight against me was causing some of that exhaustion. We stare for a couple moments, not a word is said between us for the longest time. The silence is quite relaxing though. Just the subtle sound of our breaths. Finally he inhales a long breath, and quirks a smirk.

"You worry too much, don't you?" He leans in closer as he ask this. I pull my head back farther to the point where it was uncomfortable. Hikaru squints his eyes and shifts them to different body parts attached to my face. He stops, his eyes locked on my lips. This never ends well. I've seen too many teens in movies and in real life to know what happens next. Why would he even think about it. No. He doesn't like me that way. He cant. I'm not attractive or interesting in any way or aspect. He remains still for a moment longer then finally leans in.

I shut my eyes in that movement. Not wanting to see what happens next. I remain still. Nothing happened. No added pressure. No spark. I didn't feel anything different. No other persons touch. I decide to open my eye to just peak at whats happening. He a mere inch from my mouth wearing the same closed mouth smirk. Eyes half-lidded. He did that on purpose.

"Don't think that I'm calling you anything, but thats a jerk move right there," I say blankly. He perks up to where his back is a little more strait, and now teeth is showing between his lips.

"Just wanted to prove my remark. You do worry too much," He responds nonchalantly.

I glare at Hikaru but only for a short while, then I turn to stare at the ground. I purse my lips and say nothing. Its true but he didn't have to point it out. "Or are you just sad that I didn't kiss you?" Hikaru leaned down to eye level once again. I looked back up to him.

"Don't be cocky," I say relaxed.

"Since when am I cocky?" He stands up strait and releases me from his grasp. He looks dumbfounded. I laugh and start to walk back to my belongings that are actually still there. "Your not going to answer my question?" He walks close to my side. I turn to fully look at him.

"You really are clueless, you know that right?" I continue my path to my bag. Leaving him to stand alone. I can feel his curious eyes locked on the back of my head.

I reach my bag, gather my things and organize them neatly. By the time I'm done, I look up to see Hikaru still in the spot where I left him. He wears an innocent expression on his face. Kinda adorable.

"You coming?" I question him and tilt my head. He comes back to reality and starts to trot over to me. I turn on my heel and start to walk to the club room, sketchbook clutched to my chest. I can hear his footsteps growing louder as he approaches me. There evenly timed footsteps. His steps slow down when he's only a few feet behind me. He's finally walking next to me. I look up to see his blank expression. He's only a few inches taller than I, but its a difference. I push him a little in the arm to snap him out of his daze. He stares back down at me in surprise. I chuckle at his expression, and look back to the corridor before me.

"Shut up," Hikaru laughs and shoves me playfully. He pulls me back over by the handle on my bag. We continue our laughter and he places his elbow on my shoulder.

I remember in America, I was taller than most students in middle school so I did the same thing as Hikaru, to my few friends. I would use them as an arm rest. Its different now coming from this perspective. \

* * *

 **I hope you enjoyed! I'm planning on posting on Tuesday or Monday. One of the two well review and critique please!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Wow! Its been a while. I feel bad for not posting sooner. I am glad though you guys stuch around. Theres a few of you but Im still happy. Also this chapter ends on a sudden note I'm still planning on posting on Wednesday, because I wanted to continue in this chapter but it was starting to get long, and personally I hate chapters that go on forever, or that are too short.**

 **This chapter has like one curse word in it, so its already rated T because of that.**

 **Then theres subtle hints to Anorexia here and there. So I guess its rated M now.**

 **So yes this is rated M I guess.**

 **Lukily Hikaru and Asher talk more in this chapter which I know you guys have been dying for that.**

 **Also review, I want to know what yeah guys think! Enjoy!**

* * *

"Wak- u-"I can hear subtle words ringing in my ear. "WAke up." The words are becoming more clear. "WAKE up," and louder. "WAKE UP!" My eyes open slowly to see where the disruption is coming from. I can see the outline of faces but their blurred. It's becoming more clear. There are two auburn haired males. One brunette. Female. Okay the auburns are the Hitachiin twins. I sigh. The brunette is probably Haruhi she's usually dragged around with the twins.

I'm laying on my side, I can fully see their faces now. Hikaru is crouching, to where he is face to face with me, while glued to the side of my bed. Only the top half of his face is visible, he has his hands on the edge of my mattress, and is staring at me with wide eyes. I look to the others and study their expressions. Haruhi wears a blank expression while Kaoru wears a genuine smile.

I look back to Hikaru and stare for a couple seconds. I then turn my body to where my stomach is now on the bed and I'm able to see my art work and other Artists' work hanging on my wall. One photograph that catches my eye is a picture of a street artist known as Banksy. In the photo, a little girl in a dress holds a red balloon. Everything is black and white besides the ballon. It's quite and interesting picture I think.

"Asher?" Haruhi questions.

"Hey we're going to the commoners market! WAKE! UP!" Hikaru isn't very subtle. He shakes me with one hand and rips the covers from my bed. I moan.

"I don't prefer to have sheets and or clothes clutter my floor," I say this into a pillow.

"Why do you wear sweat pants and a long sleeves to bed?" Kaoru joins into the conversation.

"It's comfortable." I answer shortly. Maybe a little too much attitude also.

"It looks hot." Kaoru didn't seem to notice. That's good I don't wish to make anyone feel bad.

"It's not," It does cover my body though. I lift myself up to where I'm resting on my knees. My dirty blonde hair is in my eyes. It usually is. I push it back with my left hand it just falls back into place. I shrug, and start to move to the edge of the bed. I place my legs on the floor and lift myself up.

I walk over to the restroom outside my bedroom door and grab my tooth brush. I wet the tooth brush then unscrew the cap of the toothpaste and squeeze the tube and place the same amount I always put. I screw on the cap and wet the brush once more before I begin to brush. I turn around to walk out the door to see the trio watching me. I continue to walk toward but I'm stopped when Hikaru approaches me. He starts to mess with my hair in an attempt to make it neater.

"It's messy and in your face. That can cause pimples," he part my hair on the left and then pushes it up and to the side of my face. I stare into the mirror. I look similar to Patrick Stump when "Save Rock and Roll" was released, except I have purple, blue, and red streaks in my hair.

"I don't get acne easily," I say with my toothbrush half hanging out. I usually take my time in the morning to judge my imperfections. Such as my small lips, thinning hair, and weak fingernails. I shrug and walk out the bathroom, their footsteps close behind me. I now stand in front of my closet, where my clothes are organized alphabetically. There are my black long sleeves, going into black, short sleeve, Anime. Then anime is organized alphabetically. Then it goes into bands also alphabetical, then cities, Disney, graphic-tees, movies, plain, then finally T.V shows. This goes throughout the colors of my closet. It's neater, and easier to find things. I hate drawers except for underwear and socks. Socks on the other hand are to hard to organize. I have no socks put together correctly in the drawers, except maybe the whites and blacks.

I grab a plain grey sweater from the long sleeve, grey section and lay it flat on my bed. The trio's stares are burning into me. I walk back over to my closet and look through the pairs of pants I have organized by color. I grab a pair off plain black slacks. I place them next to my grey sweater and walk back to the bathroom, continuing to brush my teeth. I stand in front of the sink resting my weight on my left hand, while I brush with the other. I take the tooth brush out and spit, filling the sink and my mouth with water. I gargle the water and spit once more. There are little bubble from the tooth paste on the sink, I scoop some water in my hand and clean the bowl to rid my body of anxiety. Now its clean, I turn around to wipe my hands and face with the rusty orange towel that doesn't match my light blue walls. I hear scratching of metal against each other.

"Hikaru! Kaoru! Stop that!" an angry whisper is coming from my bedroom. I walk over to see what the twins and Haruhi are doing (more so the twins).

Clothes are laying on the floor and scattered across the bed. No. No, No. I… Organized this I put my effort to have a neat closet, bedroom, house, and I get repaid with this.

"Guys." I don't shout but I'm about to.

"You should wear nicer clothes today," Kaoru states. The twins look to me as Hikaru walks over.

"And maybe less layers," He whispers into my ear, and pulls at my shirt collar. I move to the side, ignoring him. Looking at the mess I sigh and run a hand through my fringe, messing it up a little.

"This… why… The point please?" This is all I'm able to say the mess is filling my insides with anxiety. This is how I control things. This is how I'm able to function.

"Were looking through your clothes," They say in unison, while continuing their search. I take my hands and run them through my hair.

"Hikaru, Kaoru," Haruhi speaks up now. "You probably should've asked him before you decided to do this," The twins don't even acknowledge her. Were starring at them expectantly, but they both continue to dig through my wardrobe. I turn my body to face the door then turn back around real quick.

"Fine. Fine," My hands detach from my hair and fall to my side. "Just… tell me when your done," I turn and leave the room.

"Why," One of them ask with a bit of attitude. Hikaru.

"So I can reorganize it!" I finally shout as I walk down the stairs. I can hear muttering behind me. Not like it matters anyways, not like my opinion counts.

* * *

I spent this past morning re-watching episodes of different american sitcoms, and now color coding my closet. I started with dark clothes and their ending on lighter shades. I tend to wear darker shades more often, it just seemed like the logical solution. I sent every one downstairs so they wouldn't disrupt my process, the only distraction was the little clatter I heard when they decided to move. I was able to have a little alone time this morning which charged me up a little for today, but I wasn't in the mood for going downstairs so I decided to change slowly. Make my bed slowly. Hang up my towel slowly. I stuck with my grey sweater, and sweats, even though the twins pressured me to wear khaki shorts and a blue muscle shirt.

I was looking at myself in the mirror once again. I was self conscious once again about myself. The mirror was never a friend of mine. I remember once when I was living in America I did this "challenge" where I had to go without a mirror for a week. Of course since I don't need a mirror like girls need one it went by smoothly. I did notice I was more outgoing then usual. I talked more, I didn't care about my appearance. Of course I was less self conscious, but then at the end of the week I took down all the towels and garbage bags that covered the mirrors in my house, and observed myself. I didn't recognize myself. I thought my eyes were greener then they were, I thought my hair was a darker shade then usual. It was strange. It was fun without a mirror. I didn't have to try. It did have an after affect though. I felt insecure the following week. I cant explain why it made me feel that way it… just did.

I can pinch my sides.

I cant fully see my ribs.

There isn't much collar bone to show off.

I'm not skinny.

I stare for a second longer and then turn around. It's tiring to criticize yourself. I walk over to my sweater and sweats and pull on the items once again slowly. I stare into the mirror from afar now, to get one last glance. Down stairs I hear more clattering. That's my signal to go down now. I grab a pair of socks and shoes, and start to walk to open the door. The doors in this house are creaky and create a squeaking noise from the lack of oil in the hinges. They can probably hear me coming down the stairs.

"Asher!" I was correct. "You ready?" I can see them now I've walked past the corner that's ends at the bottom stairs. The twins are sitting on the couch in living room, while Haruhi pulled out a bar stool from the from under the counter.

"Mm-hm" I nod in the process. Haruhi jumps off the bar stool and takes it back to its original place.

"Are we taking a car?" That's right Haruhi doesn't know that I get "claustrophobia" from cars. How can I tell her that I don't want to take a car. I don't want to spread around a rumor that I created. I really don't wish to lie-

"We were thinking about walking." I look to the couch, the twins are standing and Kaoru is the one to speak up. At least they can see that I'm in agony at the moment.

"You guys never walk." She wears a confused expression. It's understandable why. Considering they would probably never think of the activity as transportation.

"It's 5 minutes away by car how much longer can the walk be?" Hikaru walks past his brother, over to me, shrugging in the process. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and rest on me. "Besides I get to spend more time with my best friend," he looks to me with the evil grin he wears at school. I smirk.

"You're predictable," I chuckle and glance at the ground. He tenses up.

"Wha-what is that supposed to mean," he now has a questioning expression on his face.

"Exactly what it means. You always pull the same devilish grin, and I know it's apart of you're act at school, but you don't need to stay in character all the time." I chuckle once again. "Never-" I chuckle again. "Never mind. Let's just go" I walk out from underneath his arm to the edge of the couch to pull on my shoes and socks. He follows me over.

"Wait don't just say I'm predictable then go. That's-that's not how it works," he's defensive also, and funny, entertaining. I could watch him all day.

I jump up from the couch, and look to face him, "Oh well." I turn to the others. "Ready to go?" I start to stride to the door in confidence. It definitely feels like an accomplishment to get Hikaru all worked up.

* * *

We finally got to the market after 20 minutes of Hikaru trying to ask what I meant by the comment. He luckily got distracted by instant coffee being sold outside the shopping center. He did seem adorable though when running over with his brother to the stand though.

I was able to find a tea shop (since I dislike coffee) next to it where I got Chai tea (75 calories), while Haruhi ordered Earl Grey. We met up with the twins afterwards to see them with two bags full of instant coffee. At this rate we'll be walking back with two shopping carts full of merchandise.

We all walk in, through aromatic doors to hear a bing from the door, and constant chatter between people. The twins attention is caught by a store with different color manikins. The store obviously isn't trying to do this, I believe it's just a lack single colors. Haruhi and I follow them into the store. The store is cramped, and unorganized. Great.

Haruhi walks slowly through the store and stops at the clearance section. I usually shop fast and can tell whether I want something by first glance. The selection of clothes they distribute is very... Colorful. Yeah. I find myself a seat in the corner of the store and sit. I pay attention to the loops in the carpet threads. The different color tags hanging from the clothing. The people in the store.

Gosh it feels weird to just sit here and do nothing. I stand on my feet and start to rummage through the clothes. Unconsciously I start to place size mediums next to each other and do the same with the other sizes. My mind starts to wonder off into its own palace. Where I come up with designs, art pieces, characters I can call my own.

"Hey." Hikaru leans on my shoulder as I continue my organization.

"Hello," I say. "Is there something you need?"

"You would work well here," I chuckle at his remark.

"Why because i enjoy organizing?" I continue my process.

"Exactly." I can feel a grin form on his face. "Why do you organize everything?" I sigh.

"You really wanna know?" I ask. "Well it's fun." He laughs and stands on his two feet.

"Are you serious?" (No, that's not the reason.) He ask with wide, questioning eyes. I continue to shuffle through the clothes.

"Yes. I don't shop very often and when I do it's fast. So, this gives me something to do." I look at him. All he does is continue to stare. "Well if that's what your gonna do, then I'm not going to talk about myself around you." I shuffle over to the other side rack. He opens his mouth to speak but he stops when we hear another voice.

"Asher!" We both turn to the voice. Next thing I know is that there is another guy full on hugging me. "I could recognize that multi colored head of yours anywhere!" He lets go of me and just rest his hands on my shoulders. He stands directly in front of me. He has curly brown hair, and black eyes. He's tan and is my height.

"Jacob? Wow!" I sound too surprised. "You still live in America right?" I ask.

"Yeah, I do my family is on a business trip, so I was forced to come. I knew you moved here, but I never thought I would see you again."

"Your family works in the medical department, so wouldn't you stick to one area?" I ask.

"Well my brother works in engineering, at the moment him and our dad are working on a new version of mechanical prosthetics that are lightweight, and can move with ease. At least that's what they say." Jacob creates a small smile and shrugs. "But I know you probably don't care about the medical field, talk about how your art work is going." He leans on the clothing rack next to us.

"Oh great actually, I was able to get into these classes that could help me get into this college I wish to attend, and they really have helped me advanced in all mediums. I-" I stop myself when I realize Hikaru has been standing with his arms crossed for the past few minutes. "Oh sorry, Hikaru, this is Jacob Hemmings."

"Yep, the one and only." Jacob throws his are over my shoulder and pulls me in closer. "Wow how much weight did you lose?" He looks me up and down.

"A few pounds." I tense up at the question.

"I'm a touchy person and I have hugged you way too often to realize that you have more then a few pounds." He pushes forward.

"Does this really matter?" I wish the subject would change.

"No, just wondering. Hello, I'm Jacob." Jacob reaches out a hand but Hikaru's arms remain crossed. His attitude changed completely. I step in.

"Jacob, Hikaru Hitachiin." I pull Hikaru over to us. Jacob drops his hand.

"Okay?" Jacob starts "So Hikaru, what school do you go to?"

"The same as Asher. If your a good friend you should now which one it is," Hikaru answers shortly.

"Hikaru." I say softly. Jacob chuckles. He pulls his arm off my shoulders.

"Okay, well it was nice seeing you again!" Jacobs arms gesture to me. "I wish to give you my number, because I would love for you to call me. Also if you feel up for it, we can hang out before I head back to America." I take my phone out from my pocket and hand it to Jacob.

I can feel Hikaru glaring at me. I push it aside and try to pay attention to Jacob.

"There yeah go." Jacob hands the phone back to me, and I place it back in my pocket. Jacob wraps his arm around me once more and squeezes me. "Text me." He lets go, and begins to walk to the exit of the store. "Bye Hikaru." He waves and so do I. Hikaru has a bored stare planted on his face.

"You're an asshole." I say flatly.

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 **Hello again did you like it? I hope you did. Also I got a review where a reader made a ship name. I want to know what you guys think of** **Asharu, I'm not good at names so what do you guys think of it?**

 **Anyways Review, and I post every Wednesday (most of the time).**


	7. Chapter 7

**You all probably think I'm dead. I mean these past couple weeks I have been procrastinating like it was my job. I sincerely haven't been able to sit down and do anything. Grades are still good. My teachers still like me.**

 **Anyway, there are parts where anorexia is implied, there is a lot of conversation, and time skips. Not major but quite a bit. It might become confusing, just stick with me. I thank you all. Enjoy. :)**

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You're an asshole." I say flatly.

"Thanks, nice to know what you think of me." He turns fully facing me.

"I'm sorry, but that was ridiculous. You didn't treat me that way when you first met me. What's so different about Jacob?" I feel like I'm about to scream.

"Why do you feel the need to hang out with someone you knew in America?"

"I wasn't hanging out with him I was talking. There's a difference." Bzzz. bzzz. My phone. I pull it out of my pocket. A text message from Haruhi.

'Hey Kaoru and I decided to get some lunch. Go ahead without us.'

I hold the phone up to Hikaru.

"So do you wish to continue our conversation, would you rather get lunch." He ask with a bit of an edge.

"Lunch." Right now I don't care about calories of weight or Jacob. All I want right now is a lunch break.

* * *

We stopped at this little Italian restaurant, and decide to dine. We sit in silence for the first 10 maybe 15 minutes when finally Hikaru speaks up.

"Are you really gonna call that guy?" He takes a sip from his soda. I shake my head and laugh in disbelief.

"Are you kidding me? Yeah, I'm gonna call him." I answer with a bit of attitude. We sit in silence once more. I stare at him. Expecting him to say something. He doesn't. Instead I do. "Ok this is going nowhere, so we're going to do this instead. We trade questions and we have to answer honestly. We can't get mad at the others answers either."

"That's stupid."

"Just do it." I say sternly. He sighs, and looks to the table. "Fine I'll start. Why did your attitude change when Jacob said hi?" Hikaru sits there for a moment.

"Because I don't like meeting new people." He stares blankly, then places his elbows on the table, and rest his head on his hands. "Why are you okay with him hugging you, and not other people?"

"I don't like it when people touch or hug me in general. I didn't feel okay with him hanging on me, but I deal with it." I look at his posture. He must feel superior to me. "Why do you care?"

"I'm just asking a question." He continues to stare. "Why did you freak out this morning when me and Kaoru started looking through your clothes?"

"I like my stuff tidy." LIE!

He nods and takes a sip from his drink. Leaning back into his chair now he looks to the ground. I sigh.

"By the way that's improper grammar." I point out with a small smirk on my face. He looks back to me.

"What was?"

"You say 'Kaoru and I', not me and Kaoru." I create a smile. "Just helping you out." He laughs. Thank god that situation resolved quickly.

"I had a question. Who did you hang out with last year? I mean what kind of friends did you have?" He sounds like his normal self again.

"I talk to a small amount of people. They were creative, and intelligent in different ways. I chose my friends carefully." The waitress approaches us now.

"Have you decided what you would like?" She not from this country, well at least her ancestors aren't. Her skin was a few shades darker then Japanese, and she has a slight accent. Not sure which country though.

"Angel haired pasta with spicy chicken," he looks at his finger nails, and doesn't bother to glance her way. Her name tag read Viktoria. There is voices in the back of my head. "As..." "Asg" Ash..." Asher..."

"What?" I look back to Hikaru and away from her badge.

"We're ordering." He gestures to Viktoria. I look back to her.

"That's German correct? The name Viktoria." I state abruptly.

"Yes it is, its cool that you can tell where I'm from by my name. She sounds kind and warm hearted.

"And accent." I tell her.

Hikaru's glare is digging into me. I feel your aggravation Hikaru, layoff. She smiles and I look back down at my menu.

"Actually just a small salad, thank you." She nods and walks away, taking the menu with her. I take my water and drink, locking eyes with Hikaru.

"You can figure out where a person is from, by their name, but you can't tell when I'm aggravated." His arms are crossed.

"I could tell." I place the water down and look back at him.

"If you could tell why did you continue to talk to her?" She's a waiter. She talks to people. I'm a person who likes to prove my intelligence on petty things.

"Sorry, didn't realized both genders made you angry." He rolls his eyes and looks away.

I look around the restaurant. There are a few walls separating the room into sections, even though it would open up the place if they took down the walls.

Families sit together. Couples sit together. Business partners. Friends. Hikaru and I. He's very childish. Very childish. Yet so am I. In many ways. Im very competitive and want to win a competition and/or argument. But so does everyone else. I wish to prove people wrong when they make stupid mistakes. I ignore a problem until the other brings it up. I criticize the most unnoticeable things about people and myself. I'm childish.

"We argue a lot." I state. He looks up at me and nods.

"Oh well." Hikaru looks around. "I have another question, you never talk about your parents, how come?" He looks strait into my eyes.

"It just never comes up in conversation." I take a sip on my drink.

"Well, that's true." He looks to the door.

"You on the other hand open up about everything real easily. At least when it has to do with your family you open up." I stare at him. He stares back.

"Yep." He leans into the table. "Just so you can know me better." He smirks. "I wish you would tell me more about you."

"No. You know enough."

"Oh come on, tell me something," he rest his head on the palm of his hands.

"No, you know some of the worst things about me. I think you know enough." I take my straw and begin to stir. He continues to stare with half lidded eyes. "Fine. Umm... I like the color blue."

"Well I already know that." He gestures to my hair.

"Right." I look around to help me think. There's a family sitting to my right all on their phones. "I find technology almost useless." I say nonchalantly.

"Since when is it useless."

"I said almost, and when you use it to ignore others." I begin to mutter under my breath. "But I have no room to talk, I ignore my mom without technology." I look at my drink. His eyes question me. I look back at him, and create a fake smile.

He shakes his head. "You're not very expressive." He points out.

"I know. I've never been." I already knew I wasn't very expressive with my feelings. Nor anything else as a matter of fact. "My mom has complained about that since I was little." I say.

"Oh how come I only saw your mom at your house?" He rest his head on the table.

"Umm..." I look at the table. "My dad works very early." LIE!

"Oh really? What's his job profession?"

"He's a computer software developer." I slurp my drink, avoiding eye contact.

"Oh really what company?" He ask with curiosity in his voice.

"Oracle." I answer shortly. I glance at him. His eyebrows are furrowed questioning my statement. "It's an American company." I continue to look at the table.

"How long has he worked th-" I cut Hikaru off.

"Does it matter?" I stare into his auburn eyes. He widens his eyes.

"I was asking about your parents, no big deal." He shrugs it off and take a sip of his drink. I look back down at the table. "See, your not very open," he points out. I look back up, and chuckle.

"Yeah?" I can feel my cheeks turn a light shade of pink. Probably looking red with my pale skin tone.

He just grins.

"Okay, I have your salad, and your pasta with spicy chicken." She places my salad in front of me, then Hikaru's pasta in front of him. Hikaru just stares at his nails again. Not paying any attention to our waitress. I glare for a few seconds at him then shift my eyes to the waitress.

"Thank you Victoria." I created a small smile. She grins as her response, and turns to leave. I look back to Hikaru who is watching her walk away. I chuckle to myself and turn to the unwanted food in front of me.

* * *

"Hey, Kaoru and Haruhi never texted us." Hikaru points out. We're currently walking out of the restaurant into a even bigger crowd of noisy human beings.

Stress crawls up my spine. I don't wish to be here at the moment. In the center of this swarm of people. Where all I can feel is the small beads of sweat that coat my fore head and moisten my unkept, multi colored hair. Where all I can see is the back of people's heads, and the storefront signs that hang high above us. I can barely walk at a normal speed due to the lines of people going in different directions.

"That's right, I'll text them." I pull out my phone and type a message to Haruhi that Hikaru and I are done at the restaurant. I press send and put the phone back in my pocket. When I look back up, I don't see Hikaru. I see people of many different heights, skin tones, hair colors, but no Auburn male, that is about 3 inches taller than I.

I stand on my tip toes and look frantically. I can't be alone in a shopping center there are too many people. I can't handle crowds on my own. I'm not at that level of being social. But then what did you expect, your an introvert with rich friends. They have money to blow and you to drag around. _It's your fault_.

You made this problem. You're the cause. You _repel_ people. He ditched you. You're not worth the effort.

More beads of sweat collect on my face. I wipe my forehead with the back of my hand, moving some of the hair out of my eyes. My mind is spinning. _Worthless._

Im alone. _Repel_. I'm about to have a panic attack in the middle of a shopping center. _Real problem_.

There are mannequins seen, benches, signs, but no damn... AUBURN!

Hikaru stands in front of a store window, dazing off into a dream land. He has his lips pursed and wears half-lidded eyes. I push my way through the crowd to Hikaru. Apologizing to every person I nudge. I'm 5 feet away now.

"Sorry."

4 feet.

"I apologize." Now I'm moving faster then when I was in a frenzy, playing a game of _Where's Waldo_ with Hikaru.

1 foot left. I lunge myself at Hikaru nearly knocking him over. I press my head into his shoulder. My arms are wrapped around his upper torso. He's fit and thin. His body type is perfect. Unlike my fat self.

He pats my head. "It's only been a couple seconds, you already miss me?" He chuckles. I roll my eyes and Let go of him. I remain silent. I stare into his eyes for a couple seconds then hand him my phone.

"Let them know we're going home." I say flatly.

"Why can't you?" he nudges the phone into my chest.

"I'm not losing you again." I push away the phone. "You're too valuable." That should make him listen.

"You're right." Thought so. He whips around the phone, and begins to type. Soon after he hands me the phone. "Here, let's start walking back." I nod, and follow him to the exit of my anxiety.

* * *

We reach the door of my house about 30 minutes after we left. I take my keys from my pocket and begin to unlock the door. I'm interrupted.

"You hugged me pretty tight. You sure you're not in love with me yet." He smirks. I shake my head and snicker.

"You're a real Ass Wipe." I laugh and walk into my door stopping in the door way and turning around to face my friend. "Tell everyone I was happy with the day out." I create a small smile one last time, and close the door on that mischievous smirk.

I'm not going to invite him in. I need time alone. I need to work off the calories from that salad. Approximately 85 calories. Round up to a 100. Work off a 100 calories or more. Then you can rest. Then you can reward yourself. You're not deserving of sleep. You ate today. You could've lied. You didn't. You dumb ass.

* * *

 **So did you all like it? I tried to get the conversation to flow but I'm crap at conversation in real life so IDK. But please let me know. Okay please review and Favorite.**

 **Thank you!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys... Yeah its been a while... Im sorry. Its been a tough few weeks lets just say that. I defiantly feel terrible for not post for the past few weeks. I went through some time of thinking _Oh Youll get it done. Dont worry._ I was procrastinating. To say in simplicity. I do hope you enjoy this chapter. This chapter has a little bit of a cliff hanger if thats what you would call it. Hey! Don't skip the beginning just to see the big reveal! But I hope you enjoy!**

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"Love you…" My mother said in her gentle tone. She had her brown hair pulled up into a bun, only letting her bangs fall. Her face shape was perfect for when its up. She had a pink tint on her cheeks. Something that I've gotten from her side. Aside of our button noses and pink cheeks, we look nothing alike. I have green eyes, she has brown. Her lips are thin, mine are fuller. She has tanner skin tone, I look like a ghost. Oh well.

"Love you too, Momma," She waves goodbye, and starts to step back from the doorway. I gesture a small wave, and she shuts the door as soon as I'm done. We live in a small house. Of course we're renting, we don't plan on staying in Japan forever. I have my heart set on a college in London, UK. So until then I'm going to stay here and take those art classes Kyoya got me into. Thankfully he does his research. I do wonder what though what he knows about me. My past. Schools. Location. Hobbies. Family.

I shake my head of the thoughts I have and start to walk to school.

Hopefully Kyoya doesn't know everything.

* * *

"So Asher, what do you like most about Japan?" The "customer" to my left asks. Brown short hair, a sweet voice. She's been a regular "customer" for me. She's nice and tends to remain quiet while I draw. Thats what I like about her.

"I cant really say, since I haven't really been going anywhere besides home, and here, but I like the education system. Its different then America's and the other countries." I trail off into a mumble. "Which is good by the way. I tend to prefer change as long as I see it coming. I'm not big on surprises." I'm mainly talking to myself. Idiot. She nods with a smile on her face.

Haruhi and the twins are approaching me. Why. I was okay with the small group of girls around me. Their pace slows down as they stop in front of me. The girls just carry on with asking questions.

"Oh really, whats the education in America like? I do want to visit there." A blonde girl asks with her hands clasped in front of her chest. She seems a little… passionate.

"Well the grades are separated a little differently." I start to gesture with my hands again. "The grades are separated into Pre-K, Elementary, Middle school, and High school. Pre-K is also known as Pre-Kindergarten, where you learn the Alphabet, and Numbers, and you make a lot of arts and crafts. In elementary there Kindergarden, and grade 1-5. Middle school is grade 6-8, and High school its 9th-12th grade. Since I'm a first year in Japan I would be a 10th grader or-"

"Try not talking with your hands." Hikaru interrupts. I look at him with a blank face. My hands still raised. I lower them.

"Thats difficult for me." I chuckle. He wears a smirk on his face.

"It cant be that hard." He pressures.

I sigh and roll my eyes. I try and keep still. "Anyways. First years would be Sophomores-" Their chuckling. "The grades in high school have their own names." My voice is straining from holding back my laughter. "A freshman…" I inhale loudly. "is a 9th gr-a-der." I'm chuckling now, and so is everyone else. A few start to actually laugh. Then another, then Haruhi. Then me.

I exhale. "See," I look at him. He's continues to laugh to himself. I must've looked pretty stupid for them to still be laughing. Like always.

"Asher," I look to the side of Hikaru.

Kyoya.

His notebook is tuck up under his fingers. "I wanted to wish you a happy birthday." He had to say it. I remain still. Staring into his rectangular glasses. You could've texted me. You know my number, you must. You know everything else.

"Its your birthday?" Haruhi asks with her flat expression.

"Yeah, it is." I still continue to stare. His expression is normal. The same small smile that he puts on in front of the customers.

He turns and walks back to his usual table.

"Well, Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday!" The yelling was scattered.

"We overheard you all talking, Happy Birthday," Tamaki flings his arm over my shoulder.

"Happy Birthday! Asher-chan!" Huni-senpai and Mori-senpai are now standing next to the twins. Huni laughing like he always does. Mori nodding to what Huni said.

"How come you didn't tell us it was your birthday, Asher?" Kaoru questions me as he leans on his curious twins shoulder. Their both wear confused expressions, it almost seems as if their pleading for an answer. The answer to that question is easy to remember, it haunts me everyday, doesn't mean I have to acknowledge it.

I scavenge my brain for a lie that I've used in the past thats true, but not entirely.

"I don't like too much attention." I look up to Kaoru. Its true. I don't.

I can just barely see through peoples legs, I can just barely see the smirk on Kyoya's face. Barely, but I can.

* * *

I find the fastest way out of the school after the club. I don't wish to be harassed by people's ignorance at the moment. I walk past the first fountain. Another 10 steps. Another 5. Past the second fountain. Approaching the gate. 20 more steps. 15. 10. 7. 5. 1. 0.

I've now walked past gate still picking up speed. I hear doors opening at the front of the school. My name is being called. Tamaki I can hear the clearest. Yet I still don't make out the words. Why does it matter what they say. All their probably wanting is to wish me a happy birthday because once isn't enough. They wish for it to be announced. Like it matters some how.

I'm just going to spend the rest of my time in my room trying to ignore this awful guilt in my stomach. Maybe my hunger pains will distract me. Maybe.

* * *

It took me approximately 47 minutes to get home a little more time then usual but at least if they trued to follow me I wouldn't be on the same road.

The road I took was through what looked to be an old street. Yet it had potholes cracks throughout it. Obviously not one of Japan's finest streets.

I stood in front of the apartment I stood in front of earlier today. I pull out my keys to unlock my door. Brass keys with a square head. Similar to my old house key.

I place the key in the lock in the door and turn. The door takes a bit of a nudge to open but otherwise it's okay. The house smells of laundry detergent. Which I haven't smelled in what feels like forever. The welcoming mat at our front door is a green and crooked. I nudge it with my foot. Now it's green and strait.

I walk past the light blue corridors to the stairs. Approximately 18 steps. I hear the floor creek beneath my steps.

I touch the door handle to my room. It's silver and warm.

Warm. Why is it warm. No.

I swing open the door.

"Surprise!" 8 people stand before me. The club members and Renge.

Faces become bigger. A little blurred. Shouts from every direction. All crowding my mind. All crowding me.

"Happy birthday! We tried to find you but we decided it would be better to surprise you." Tamaki begins. "Your mom let us in if your wondering but she left a little quickly, almost as if she had something to do." But Tamaki doesn't stop. "She maybe went to pick up your present but, that's okay. You got us marvelous people to hang out with and eat your cake with. We simply below be this is a-"

"Why are you here?" I interrupt. I shake my head then look back to them with a blank stare. Tamaki stops to look at me.

"Well we weren't going to miss out on celebrating you birthday. As soon as club gathering ended we drove strait here. We all thought you would like a party." Tamaki answered. He looked like he was about to continue but I stopped him.

"I don't need a party, nor do I want one." I cross my arms. "Sorry but I don't want a party, or a gathering, or gifts, or anything else to do with my birthday. Can you all just leave?" I start to step to the side.

"Common," Hikaru started.

"We got gifts." Kaoru ended. The twins held up their hands. In them are little gift bags. The rest follow and held up their hands. Haruhi although remains still. Starring, watching my every move. She's the most observant of the gang. Thankfully theres at least one.

Haruhi and I remain starring at one another. Analyzing our every movement. She steps up.

"You know guys, Asher probably wants to spend his birthday with his mom. Lets leave them here.

"Now Haruhi thats not how Asher should act towards us. He is at fault." Renge steps in between the host club and I. My fault. Oh okay. Sure. "He should've took the initiative to invite us over at least mention his birthday. Now see the only person that knew about his birthday is Kyoya because he has all of Asher's information." She turns her hips, feet remain planted on the ground, and points at me. "Asher is obviously not a good host. He is a secretive, quiet teenager, who seems to only speak to his customers when asked a question." She turns full frontal now. "Asher what do you have to say." Her head is held high, and her arms are crossed.

What she said is true, I must say. I'm not a good host, I am secretive and I am quiet. Little do I know if I'm even entertaining. I do only speak when spoken to. I don't take the initiate when it comes to anything. I'm not outgoing, open, or upfront. At least she and I agree on something. But all I manage to say is.

"Get out." I remain in my same position. Renge looks back at me. Appalled. The others shocked or wear an impressed expression. (More so Hikaru, and Kyoya). Kyoya smirks.

"Lets go." Kyoya pushes up his glasses and moves towards the doors. The rest follow. A few waves, a few goodbyes, even a chortle coming from Hikaru of course. I take a step to my door. Once the last foot makes it out of the room, I shut the door slowly and quietly. Like I always do. Simple, quiet, and calm. Like always.

* * *

I stare at the blank ceiling. White. Boring white. Boring. My mind wonders across the ceiling painting a picture. It starts off with bright colors. Yellows, greens and oranges paint the empty space above me. The Yellows fade to greens. Orange to bright reds. The colors go on like this for a while. Slowly. Painting a 6th of the empty space. Then a 4th. Then it grows to almost half.

Wait…

Theres a darkness in the corner.

It's moving fast consuming the the ceiling. Deep reds, purples, and blacks take up the picture. Eating away the lighter colors. Chasing them. Scaring them. Covering them up with sorrow, grief, and their impression.

Soon enough they cover the entire ceiling.

Its bubbling over. Dripping down my walls. covering the remaining light. It flows to the floor. Soaking into the little hairs that create the carpet. Covering my paintings, posters, CDs.

It just consumes everything. Except me. It leaves me untouched, but everything around me is covered. Why does it do this to me. Every birthday. Every birthday leaves me feeling numb. Reminding me full of grief. Sorrow. _Guilt._ It does this every year. It stops at me, leaving me in misery.

 _Just consume me!_

But, you don't. You left me there, waiting. When you didn't arrive, everyone knew something was wrong. You never left my side for long. But no, because of me your dead. Your dead because I wanted a gift. But who doesn't want a gift when its your birthday. You just needed to pick it up. I caused your deaths. If you never would've gotten into that car you would be here right now. I wouldn't be dangling over the darkness. I wouldn't be begging for darkness.

I'm in this state because I put you in that car. You got in that car because of me. I did this. I killed you. I did it. Its my fault.

Its my fault.

My fault.

 _My fault._

I killed you. I put you in the casket. I put you in the ground. I did. I did.

I hug my arms. Scratching them. Leaving marks. I roll to my side. Shutting my eyes so tight it nearly burns, but don't worry dad. I've gotten used to the pain of my birthday.

* * *

 **Did you like it? I hope you did. Please review I hope to post again next Wednesday. But please wish me luck that I dont go under another Procrastination spell. Please!? Okay, well review, like, subscribe, do whatever you do on this website! Enjoy your day!**

 **-A.E.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey Guys I forgot to mention last story that I woud be going on vacation for several weeks and then have to catch up on homework, classwork, test, blah blah blah. Just school. But that should never be an excuse. But considering it is Winter break I have all week to be alone in my room and watch tv, and read and WRITE!**

 **Aside from that this chapter mentions death, anorexia, like _K_ rated Yaoi, and some other stuff I cant think of at the moment. I hope you enjoy the chapter. Go on read.**

* * *

A few days later…

"Bye, Mom!" I strain my voice to yell from the front door. I slip my tennis shoes on, and place my hand on the handle. "I'll be home late today, the club and I need to work on plans for upcoming events!" I start to turn the handle.

"Okay Sweetheart, do you want the leftovers in the fridge when you get home?" My mother asks. Well obviously not, I don't deserve food, but thats not what I say.

"Umm, No. Probably not. I'll eat with the club today." I creak the door open.

"Okay, thats fine. See you tonight." She projected across the apartment as if it was nothing. That's quite difficult for me, It exhaust my voice.

"See you tonight." I say at last and fully open the door, shutting it quietly once I fully step out. I can see a package out of the corner of my eye. Its a plain brown box, all thats on it is my full name written in thin, tall handwriting. Hmm, familiar. I lean down to pick it up. Heavier than what it appears to be, but no heavier than 5 pounds.

Im a couple minutes ahead schedule, so I lean against the wall next to my door. Tape is holding the box shut. I take the keys I use for the house and slide it against the clear tape only cutting the thin strip in between the flaps of the box. I open the box from there. What the box contains is another box but black. I tilt the package in my hands and the smaller package slides out from the bigger. A folded piece of paper falls out with the package and onto the cement floor below me. For now I ignore it because the smaller, black box displays a picture of dark blue headphones.

My face scrunches at the sight of the package and I bend down to grab the folded paper. I open the piece of paper to reveal a letter written in the same handwriting as the one on the package. It reads…

 _Asher, you didn't seem very happy on your birthday, and didn't accept the presents we wanted to give you. I remembered during club meeting you were listening to music through old, shitty ear buds. So here. Headphones made by one of my mother's, close friend's electronics company. I asked for blue, and I assumed that was your favorite color. Happy Birthday._

I don't want a present the offer is nice, but i don't want these. I don't want a present. I don't deserve their kindness. The handwriting is quite familiar. I know its from one of the club members. Its not Haruhi's, her handwriting is neat, like most girls. I'll figure it out.

* * *

"Now Lady Macbeth was an important character to the plot of the play in what way?" Mrs. Matsuzaki scanned the classroom for hands to raise, yet very few seemed to pay attention. She sighed. "Fine, it can be put in as a classwork grade. Everyone, grab a piece of paper and pencil. I want you all to answer this question and turn it in at the end of class. I'll even make it count as 2 separate grades. One will be for effort, the other will be for the overall answer. I want at least two paragraphs. Get to work." A few students groaned, yet still retrieved paper from their bag.

Lady Macbeth was seen as a kind character at the beginning, although once she was informed of the prophecy told by the three witches, she became greedy and manipulative- _t_ _ap tap_. I shift my body a little to see Haruhi's outstretched arm. Between two of her fingers is a folded piece of paper. I grab the paper, and unfold it.

 _Do you have any ideas of what the club should dress up as for next week?_

 _\- Hikaru ;p_

Why does he feel the need to ask during class. Ask later. I scribble down something similar to that, but stop. I take another look at the handwriting. Tall. Thin. I have the letter and headphones in my bag. I lean down to pull out the letter from the front pocket, and compare the their handwriting.

T's crossed near the top. Average writing pressure. Switches from slanting to the left to no slant. The size is average. The handwriting of both notes are pretty much identical. _Idiot._ How could I not of realized. He's really the only host I see doing that. Now that I've actually looked at the facts its so obvious. _Nimrod._

I cross out my original response to him, and write _Talk to me after class._ Geez, my hand writing looks like chicken scratch anymore. I cross it off and rewrite my response.

I refold the paper and hand it back to Haruhi. I don't look or glance at her nor anyone else, simply shift my attention back to the assignment in front of me.

* * *

"Okay, everyone has turned in their assignment, enjoy the rest of your day, and you all can go." Mrs. Matsuzaki stands from her desk and walks to the door. She turns the handle and pushes the door open. Creating a genuine smile to the students that leave.

I pack away my remaining materials on my desk and pick up the sketchbook leaning against my chair, standing up in the process. I look to Hikaru, as if telling him that I want to talk to him, he must of picked up my signs because he began to move between the desk, backpack thrown over his shoulder. I could've walked to the exit, but Hikaru swings his arm around my shoulders and drags me out the exit. I shouldn't be surprised. He drags me through corridors for fun. Right now his forearm is covering up my face, taking away my sight and speech.

"You never answered my question." He states as I stumble to my feet.

"Muph umph mmnn?" His arm blocks the words from forming.

"What?" He stops in the middle of the corridor practically dropping me. I some how remain balanced and stagger to a stance.

"I said what question." I stare at him furrowing my brows, not quite remembering any question.

"What are your ideas on what costumes we should wear for club next week?" He leans his side into the wall, auburn eyes half lidded like always. Same smirk he always wears across his face.

"Why would my opinion matter? I wear long sleeves all the time and jeans that barely fit my waist line." I say this flatly not really interested in next weeks wardrobe.

"Your clothes aren't good but, that doesn't mean you cant give us an idea." He cracks a small smile through his natural smirk.

"Well, I guess so. But wait I wanted to talk to you about something else. The headphones you got me, I don't want them." I begin to pull my bag around my body to where only one strap is hanging onto my body. I unzip the bag and pull out the black box I received today.

"Haha, who says I got them." He begins to laugh to himself, shifting his weight onto both of his feet, standing high above me.

"Your handwriting isn't that hard to distinguish." I pier into his eyes. They look almost bored. Of course he is, I'm not that interesting.

"Hmm." He grabs ahold of the box looking at it from all angles. "Did you not like the color? They have red, and purple." He studies the box.

"No, no, no. Not at all. I just don't want a present in general. I don't need birthday presents anyway." I say blankly.

He looks up and snickers. "You're hilarious. Take the headphones." He holds the box in front of me. Stuffing his other hand in his pocket. I look between him and the box.

"No." I push it back into his chest. Hikaru stares with a surprised expression.

"You're more stubborn than me. Just take the present." His voice begins to raise.

"I don't want gifts on my birthday, I never have. Just keep it."

"Then accept it as a random gift, considering your birthday was a few days ago." He continues to press the situation.

"No, because then it will still bug me in the back of my mind." We continued the argument for a while a few students staring as we do so, giving me a slight shiver through my spine.

After we both finished speaking, we just began to glare at each other. I tend to be the type of person that will eventually crack in situations, or arguments. This is just one example. I sigh shift my weight to one foot.

"Fine, I don't see this going anywhere so if I try the headphones will you stop this nonsense." I glare up at him, not really effecting him in anyway, shape, or form. He shifts his weight and crosses his arms in the process.

"No." He states loudly.

"You still want me to keep them." I mutter under my breath, while throw my head back and begin to rub my face with my hands. This is from pure aggravation.

I puff. "I'll take the headphones." I say flatly. Hikaru mouth transformed into a smirk almost instantly. He presses the box to my chest, and begins to walk towards the club room. I put the headphones in my bag, just now realizing the halls were empty. Wow, time flew.

I walk slowly behind Hikaru, not wanting to waste a single bit of little energy I have stored in my body. Of course your body gets used to the feeling of starving, and being lethargic. But you don't waste something that you barely have.

I get lost in thought once more studying the shade of the light colored walls. Looking at the engraved window sills. The vases filled with matching flowers. Quite organized. The large tiled floor, clean enough to see my reflection. Clean enough to see my fat face. My sad excuse for cheekbone, and jawline. Quite boring.

"God Asher, come on." I look back up to see Hikaru standing in front of me. I stop.

"What?" I furrow my brows in confusion. He rolls his eyes. I feel him snatch my hand, and begins to run. We start to sprint down the corridor. Our feet slamming into the tile. Causing a ruckus which I'm usually too scared to make. Interesting.

We stand in front of the doors to Music Room 3 panting. Trying to catch our breath but failing miserably. Sweat forms on our foreheads.

We both look up at each other, laughing and shaking our heads. Hikaru smirks at me and I smile, turning face away to look at the floor.

I'm tired. Breathless. Disoriented. Dazed.

Weightless… I stand up strait. I need to head home. I need a place to rest.

I turn on my heel. Asher… My name its being called. Its loud and clear, I don't respond. I move one foot in front of the other. Walking turns into shuffling. Asher… the tone is distant and questioning. I continue moving. Asher… Louder this time, but still distant. My pace becomes slower. My blinking slows along with my breathing.

Its echoing. My name. Asher… Asher… Asher… I turn to look at Hikaru another time, before I fall to the ground and faint.

* * *

 _I open my eyes. A blurry setting surrounds me. Colors mix. I turn my head to the left. Blurry surroundings. To the right. Blurry surroundings. I look forward and let out a breathe I didn't know I was withholding. I close my eyes and breathe. focusing all my energy into my lungs. An organ that should be moving involuntarily. I open my eyes._

 _A man stands in front of me. His back is to me. Blond short hair. Shaved but about a half an inch comes from his head. A few inches taller than I. He has longer legs than torso. He's familiar. I circle around his body slowly. Skin pale. Long nose. I recognize him._

 _Wait. Full lips. Okay. The eyes, pleases let them be his. His eye are a pale green. Their his. The man is my father, and he pays no attention to me. He looks strait head. No acknowledgment. He continues to look ahead. Not moving a muscle. Just staring. I move closer to him. Now I stand in front of him._

 _"_ _Dad?" No response. I wave my head in front of him. "Its been a while. Hasn't…" My voice cracks. "It." I stare up at him. I point my attention towards his features. The exact same from when I remember him._

 _His cheeks are pale no color. His nose has always been longer like that. Although something starts to drip from his nostril. Black? No, Red. Wait. It drips faster, forming in his other nostril._

 _"_ _Dad?" His eyes slowly become bloodshot. Veins becoming more noticeable through his skin._

 _Now flowing from his lips._

 _"_ _Dad? Answer me." I raise my voice. Becoming frightened. Streaming down his forehead now. Coming from his eye sockets._

 _I back away. His skin grows paler. Lips become blue. The life is being sucked out of him._

 _"Dad!" I'm screaming now. Voice straining. Vocal cords being torn to shreds. "Dad! Please!" My eyes are tearing up. I pull at my hair. "Stop! Please!" His cheeks form cuts. Multiple. Now on his arms, bleeding through his Khaki pants, through his striped shirt. His body goes limp. Everything becomes still. Everything stops. Until, my father takes in a breath and lets out his last._

 _I let go of the follicles that make up my hair, a few strands fall to the floor. My hands lower._

 _"_ _Dad." As I say this I take a step forward. Everything was still, but my body beginning to float dreadfully slow, rotating in mid-air. Feet lift off the ground. My body becomes heavy . Its difficult to move my limbs. They feel absolutely useless._

 _Crack!_

 _A split forms on the nothingness my father stands on. As if it was glass. I look up again. My father remains still. The noise the ground makes sounds similar when you step on a fallen branch._

 _Another crack forms. It grows bigger, almost reaching him. The cracks grow into holes. Darkness is revealed under the ground. More pieces break, then another cracks forms, quickly heading for my father. It reaches him. He's gonna fall through._

 _"Dad!" I reach out to him. The ground falls from under him, and he falling behind it. He grows smaller. Darkness soon consumes him._

 _Gone._

 _I begin to cry. Still holding out my hand. Slowly letting it fall to where gravity should pull it._

 _He's gone. He's gone. He's gone._

 _He's gone._

Eyes open.

I'm in _my_ room. _My_ four walls. _My_ posters, window, and house. The a/c is running but I'm covered by multiple layers of blankets. The window is open but blinds closed, while light shines through plenty enough to see. A washcloth sits on my nightstand, along with my belongings. The washcloth is wet.

Damn it. That damages wood. I wiggle from under the heavy layers and move the cloth off of my nightstand and rest it on the unlit candle. Pine tree scent, my favorite. I fall back into the blankets and roll onto my side. I bring my legs up to my chest.

" _Oh god_ " I whisper. I pull a single sheet over my head and lay there, afraid to fall back to sleep.

I lay here for a while, not wishing to speak with my mother. She's probably in the living room down stairs.

Hikaru would've probably went back to the club. I wouldn't be surprised if he told everyone. Nor if he were to get their attention from the start. He wouldn't stay. I'm not that close to him. I'll be a joke by tomorrow.

I hear shuffling downstairs, and multiple voices. My eyebrows furrow. I move to the edge of the bed, curiosity fills me. I shift my legs over the edge. Listening to the voices.

No, Hikaru wouldn't stay, my mom would've sent him home. I stand up slowly. I move to the door and stand against it. My ear placed against it. Everything is muffled.

I step back from the door and wrap my fingers around the brass handle. Turning slowly. I pull on the door. Creating a gap between it and the wall. The one voice I can recognize easily is my mothers. Her voice is soft and lighter than usual. She tends to speak louder in most occasions, or not at all.

They other voice is monotonous and a little hoarse. Hmm.

"-when he'll wake up?" Hikaru? No. He wouldn't stay. Would he? I open the door wider.

"I don't know this stuff really. At least I don't assume. Why disappoint yourself with false info?" My mother sighs. A coffee mug creates a clink as it is placed on the counter. "You really don't need to stay dear, Its sweet but unnecessary-"

"No, no, I don't want to go without knowing if he's okay. I'll just feel better if he wakes up. Then I'll go just let me stay here… Please." Hikaru interrupted. He spoke fast.

"Okay, dear." My mother speaks as a chair slides across the floor. Their in the Kitchen. "Would you like some tea, or Coffee while we wait?" She moves from her chair to the fridge. It opens. Shuffling through the condiments and containers stored throughout the fridge.

"Coffee, would be nice." HIkaru forgot to say thank you and please. Thats unsatisfying. Its almost as if the sentence isn't finished. The fridge shuts.

"Milk in your coffee?" She asks.

"Sure." He answers flatly.

I shut the door at that, and look over at the clock. _5:35._ I move to my bed, falling onto the layers of wool and cotton. I sigh. It is relaxing. I move to the right side of the bed. Only wrapping one sheet around me. I face the door. Waiting for one of them to come in.

* * *

 _Creek. Creek._ I tighten my eyelids, then blink a little to get rid of the tiredness. Auburn hair, and a face is seen from the crack in the door. I move from the covers to sit up strait.

"Hey Hikaru, I have a feeling you'll have a bit of questions so would you mind asking them slow-" Im cut off by unexpected arms wrapped around my neck. Oh god I would've preferred him yelling. I don't like hugs really. Haven't since I was about 8.

I shift my arms to return the hug. Not the best idea. He's now on top of me pinning me down to the bed. He's straddling me with his head buried in my shoulder.

We lay there for several minutes before he lifts his head from my shoulder. He stares own at me.

"What the fuck happened?" He whispers, eyebrows furrowed. I laugh nervously, shifting my eyes from his gaze to the side of the room.

"Heh, umm I didn't have a lot of energy today and I passed out from running. Heh." I bite my bottom lip. I look back at him.

"Asher, should I worry, I mean that was scary just seeing you not responding." He sits up now. "And when you fell that was even worst. Are you sure your okay?" He squints his eyes.

I bring my elbows back and partially sit up on them. I nod, and look away. He sighs. "Why didn't you have energy you were okay the first half of today?" I look back at him and shrug. "I just cant believe you fainted, have you ever fainted before?" I shake my head. "Really wow this must've scared you. Did you get scared?" He questions.

"No you just get lightheaded." I say flatly. His hands are resting one my stomach. He can probably feel my fat.

"No other feel-"

"You ask a lot of questions." I create a small chuckle and shake my head. His eyes widen.

"Sorry, I asked enough questions, Ill go now." He places one foot on the ground after the other. I sit up at the same pace he stands. He walks to the door.

"I actually had a question." I'm leaning back into the palms of my hands. He looks to me with half-lidded eyes. He's back to his old self. "Did you tell any of the club members about how I fainted today?" My face scrunches up as I ask his question.

"What makes you think I would?" He walks over to the bed, crawls behind me and whispers. "it can be our little secret." Chills run down my spine, as he crawls out from behind me and strides to the door. "See you tomorrow, Asher." He states with confidence, and shuts the bedroom door behind him.

* * *

 **Hey, again. This chapter was longer than what I usually seem to write but I couldnt find a place to finish, but then again you were all probably happy that you got more story time this time around. I hope I** **don't have to many plans this Winter break because I really want to work on this story. Okay bye.**

 **Review, Like, Save, do what ever you feel like doing.**


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